#also i am very tired if you don’t hear from me until march tbh do not be surprised

[phoenixmetaphor]

Last Line Challenge!!!

rules: in a new post, show the last line you wrote (or drew) and tag as many people as there are words (or as many as you feel like).

i was tagged by the talented @alvivaarts !!! thanks so much for thinking of me <3

since i emerged from my long dormancy, i don’t know a large amount of people i know to be active buttttt i will try tagging @sinnabum45 [been loving your recent narumitsu], @californiatowhee [ditto bestie], @silvercap [art or writing?], and @thebrandywine [i mean i’d tag you in this post anyway, so….]. feel free to ignore if this ain’t your thing~~~

anyways here’s a page of preliminary sketches for a comic based on @thebrandywine ‘s [pull me under], a nivannedy mermaid au fic that has given me brainworms (told you i’d be tagging you in regardless, mav)

i don’t usually share at this stage because it’s all very rough and i only need it to make sense to me, which is why there are like… stick figures and also why I just freely write and draw over other writings and drawings. and i’m not sure this will go all the way to a finished state, if all these panels will make it, and if they will be in this order (i’ve already changed some things up…). like right now i am sort of unhappy with the sameness of all the head shots but … we’ll see, we’ll see.

also if all the pen scratches and scribbles didn’t give it away, this is done traditionally, mostly to force myself to just restart something that’s not working rather than attempting to noodle with it endlessly, which is a pitfall I can fall into with digital sketching. i really should not have used this particular ink tho, it has shimmer and it was clogging my pen something fierce x.x

[aomine-ryo]

GoM with a s/o that overworked herself please? I like your stories and thanks for all of them

I’m glad you like my work!! :) I hope you enjoy this one too! xx

Headcanons: GOM with an s/o that overworked herself

Kuroko

He’s a very observant person so he’d been noticing the change in your habits for a while

He knew that you were hardworking, but you were also quite organised so he just assumed that you had scheduled enough time for yourself to relax

However, when he noticed that you were more tired than you usually were in the past few days, he got a bit worried

“Y/N-kun, are you okay? You don’t look too well,” he asked you, remembering that you had been studying late when he texted you the previous night

“Uh yeah,” you said, taking a minute to process what he had just asked you, “I didn’t get much sleep.”

“Don’t you have to work after school today? That’s very irresponsible of you, Y/N-kun,” Kuroko scolded.

Needless to say, he becomes extremely concerned about you overworking, knowing how bad it can get from observing the people around him who just didn’t know when to stop

So, after school, when you went to your part-time job, Kuroko left his basketball practice a bit early to buy you some hot tea from a cafe that you frequent

You hadn’t been able to go to that cafe recently because you had been so focused on other things, so when he visited you after work with that cup in his hand you were so happy

“I know how much you’ve been working so I brought you some tea to help you relax.”

He walked you home and instructed you to go to sleep immediately after you showered

You still had some work to do, but he gave you no opportunity to argue

You decided to listen to his instructions, not wanting to raise his concerns any more

From then onwards, he made sure to give you reminders every now and then to make sure that you took it easy, and you were truly grateful to have him there to make sure you were okay

Kise

He likes how serious you were towards your work, however he would also get very clingy and pouty if you don’t spend enough time with him

“Y/N-cchi, I barely get to see you these days. I miss you,” he’d whine to you

It was kind of good that he was like this though because it forced you to take time out of your work and relax with him

Recently, you hadn’t been able to get the time to go out with Kise because you had been so slumped with work and you were constantly on the brink of exhaustion

Kise knew about the dangers of overworking and the moment he noticed that you hadn’t been getting the rest you needed, he made you his top priority

He’d constantly check up on you throughout the day, be it through texts, calls or just dropping by, he’s always making sure you’re taking breaks

He especially liked dragging you out of your room mid-studying to take you on little dates at your favourite cafe

And he wouldn’t take no for an answer

“Just let me finish this one thing—“

“No we have to go now!” He said frantically, taking your hand

“Why do we have to go right now? It’ll just take a minute—”

“Because!” he said, trying to sound serious though the wide grin on his face wasn’t helping his cause

“That’s not an answer,” you giggled before allowing yourself to be whisked away from your desk by your cheery boyfriend

You really loved spending time with him like that though

As much as you’d resist and whine about him dragging you away from your work, it truly did help you unwind and you began to look forward to it over time

You did make sure to thank him for taking care of you like this

“You don’t need to thank me... actually on second thought, you can thank me with some kisses,” he said with a wide grin, and you happily obliged

Midorima

Midorima knew you were a hardworking person so he didn’t think too much about it when you had began to spend more time doing work

However, when he started seeing you less and less as days went by, he couldn’t help but miss you

You would always walk home with him after his practice, but you had become so consumed with your work that you had stopped doing so, which hurt him a bit though he didn’t say anything about it

He quickly noticed how tired you began to look in school though, which raised his concerns

“Y/N, are you sleeping properly?” he asked you

“Huh? I’m fine. I’ve just been staying up a little longer to study,” you said drowsily

“I don’t think you should be doing that. You’ll overwork yourself.”

“I’ll be fine,” you brushed him off, the lack of sleep making your tone sound more cranky than you were

Although he left you alone after that interaction, he very well knew that you weren’t going to be fine

So he took the liberty in making you a schedule which would prevent you from exhaustion

He also made sure to leave space in your schedule so that you could walk home with him after practice again

“Here, I made you a schedule so that you won’t die of overworking,” he said one morning before class as he handed you a sheet of paper with a very detailed schedule as well as small tips on how to be more efficient

“Aw Shintaro, you didn’t have to do this,” you said to him, though you were grateful for his concern

“Yes I did. You’re just a few more sleepless nights away from becoming a zombie. And I don’t want to date a zombie,” he said sternly, making you giggle

“Well, thank you. I’ll use it. I see you’ve made some time for me to walk home with you again,” you said with a grin as he averted his gaze

“Yeah, well, I miss walking with you,” he mumbled before suddenly being pulled into a hug

He wasn’t one to engage in PDA other than just holding hands, but he didn’t hesitate to hug you back because he missed your touch

“If you need any help with your studies I can help, just say the word. I’m always ready for a study date,” he added, trying to find more ways to spend time with you

“I will. Thank you, Shintaro,” you smiled.

Aomine

Aomine was aware that you took your work seriously

He was awfully protective over you so if he ever noticed that you were overworking yourself, he’d go full mom-mode on you

You tried not to let yourself get swallowed by your work because you didn’t want to worry Aomine, however it was inevitable when your to-do list seemed never ending

As someone who never did any of his work, Aomine had a lot of free time to spare

So whenever he wasn’t playing basketball, he’d visit you to make sure you were okay

If he was ever busy and couldn’t visit, he’d make sure to text or call you

Since the InterHigh was around the corner, he hadn’t had time to see you, so when he finally found the time, he wasn’t too happy to find out that you had overworked yourself to the point where you had caught a cold

“Y/N! You’re sick! Stop working, you idiot,” Aomine said, marching towards your desk and pulling your pen out of your hand

“But there’s so much to do,” you croaked, rubbing your heavy eyes

“I don’t care. Sometimes, work just doesn’t need to be done.”

“I don’t think that’s good advice—”

“Shut up and go to bed,” Aomine huffed. “I can’t believe I’m the responsible one in this relationship.”

You let out a snort as you climbed into your bed, “You skip practice and you never do your homework, I’d hardly call that responsible.”

“Yeah well, I’m not the idiot that got sick from working too much,” Aomine retorted as he tucked you into bed

This back and forth went on for a while until you eventually drifted off into a slumber

As much as Aomine lectured you about overworking yourself, he was glad that you finally got some rest

You didn’t hear the end of his lectures for the next few days; he’d constantly annoy you about it

“My God, Daiki you’re giving me a headache. I’m sorry for overworking myself. I won’t do it again,” you groaned in attempts to get him to stop lecturing you

“Good. Less working means more Aomine time,” he grinned before placing a kiss on your lips

Murasakibara

Murasakibara always gets grumpy whenever you don’t spend enough time with him

So you spending more time on your work often resulted in endless texts checking up on you

It took him some time, but he started to notice that you were looking more exhausted as days went by

He knew that when you got absorbed into your work, you neglected your health completely

So as soon as he realised that you were overworking yourself, he got extra clingy and concerned

“Y/N-chin, you’re overworking yourself again, aren’t you?” he said when he saw you struggling to stay awake after class

“No I’m not.”

“What time did you go to sleep last night?”

“...4 am,” you mumbled

“You’re going to get sick if you keep this up,” he sighed, munching on his snacks. “You better take a nap when you go home.”

“I’ll be fine, I need to finish some homework first.”

“Nope, you’re gonna nap,” he shook his head, finality in his tone

You didn’t argue because it wasn’t like he could actually force you to sleep

But you were wrong

Murasakibara walked you home and followed you into your house to make sure that you went to bed

“I’m not leaving till you fall asleep,” he said, tucking you in before taking a seat at the foot of your bed

You had no choice but to sleep because he seemed like he wasn’t going to budge

When you woke up that evening, you found Murasakibara asleep in the same place he was earlier

After that day, he did his best to make sure you were taking care of yourself

When you mentioned that you hadn’t been eating much because you were so absorbed in your work, he decided to cook you a meal

You enjoyed that meal so much that Murasakibara began to cook for you more and more often

He was just glad that he could help you in any way he could

Akashi

Tbh I don’t think he’d ever let you get to the point where you overwork yourself

If you somehow managed to slip under his radar and overwork yourself he’d notice almost immediately

“Y/N, I think you should take a break. This isn’t good for you,” he said to you during recess, where you sat in the classroom and continued to work

“I’m fine. There’s just a lot to do,” you sighed, just wishing that your to-do list would come to an end

“Did you not bring anything to eat for lunch?” He questioned, noticing that there was no lunchbox near you

“Huh? No, I guess not. I’m not that hungry anyways,” you shrugged

Akashi walked off and returned with his lunchbox in hand

“Here, have my lunch.”

“No, it’s fine, I’m not hungry,” you shook your head, before returning to your work

Akashi took the pen out of your hand and closed your books, making space before placing his lunchbox in front of you

“I insist,” he said, and you decided to give in

If you ever overwork yourself, he would not leave your side until you got better

He’d also make sure to arrange some study dates with you where he would help you in working more efficiently so that you don’t end up overworking yourself again

He cared a lot about you so he didn’t want you to put your health in danger

He adored the fact that you were hardworking but he didn’t let you get too carried away with it

He’d call you quite often to check up on you and give you little reminders

He also really liked to go on walks with you so that you could unwind as well as spend some time together

He is always so concerned and caring towards you that you felt lucky to have someone that looked out for you as much as he did

[lightninginabottle0613]

50 questions ⚖️

a scale for libra season - you knew i would!!

thank you to all of these angels for tagging me & giving me a chance to learn more about your precious selves - @yanak324 @watersandwolves @kelleesioverhere @livhatesolives @thelandofnothing

what is the color of your hairbrush? black! with some silver on the handle. 

name a food you never eat? sushi. i don’t dislike it, but it’s just far enough down on my favorites list that i never choose it over something else.

are you typically too warm or too cold? almost always too cold, but that’s exactly how i like it.

what were you doing 45 minutes ago? talking to my brother. he is at sea and bought internet for the day :’)

what’s your favorite candy bar? i don’t think i have a favorite tbh. i like most candy well enough. not really a candy person, though!

have you ever been to a professional sports game? i have been to many major league baseball games, & two minor league soccer games.

what is the last thing you said out loud? “love you, too” 💘

what is your favourite ice cream? ben & jerry’s mint chocolate cookie

what was the last thing you had to drink? lemon la croix in a stemless wine glass, bc nothingggg matterrrssss 

do you like your wallet? i actually don’t, lol. it’s a little dark green designer thing that i splurged on last year, bc i thought adults needed fancy wallets. & it’s very off brand for me. i also broke the inside zipper one hour after purchasing it, when i ripped the tag off bc i was too lazy to get scissors. so that makes me hate it even more.

what is the last thing you ate? omg. loaded sweet potato fries. with cheese & fake bacon & ranch.

did you buy any new clothes last weekend? i did! just one shirt at target. a lil striped guy. as if i needed any more of those.

what’s the last sporting event you watched? the eagles/bengals game last sunday. i didn’t put it on, like ... on purpose. i was hanging out with two straight men who insisted, bc i’m from philadelphia. it was sweet of them i guess

what is your favorite flavor of popcorn? anything cheeeeesy. or just regular. but fuck a caramel corn (sorry)

who is the last person you sent a text message to? one of the aforementioned straight men

ever go camping? yes!!!!!!! camping is so cute. very into it

do you take vitamins? i am actually all out of my multivitamin, so this question has reminded me to add it to my shopping list for tomorrow.

do you regularly attend a place of worship? (don’t make a target joke, don’t make a target joke)

do you have a tan? haha

do you prefer chinese or pizza? my east coast roots all but require me to say pizza. i do love a good sesame NOODLE though

do you drink your soda through a straw? no ma’am

what color socks do you usually wear? i’ve got all sorts of colors!! right now they are white with black polka dots. team fun socks

do you ever drive above the speed limit? i mean yeah, of course. i am a self- and others-proclaimed Great Driver, though. so i will drive above the speed limit a responsible and excusable amount.

what terrifies you? birds. everyone thinks it’s a joke until they see me encounter a bird. (no, not sparrows/robins/little tiny birds that fly away when you approach them. obviously not those. they’re doing amazing.) 

look to your left, what do you see? couch cushion! i have been on the couch for five hours. 

what chore do you hate most? oh like, probably cleaning the litter box lol. that shit sucks

what do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? steve irwin (and the fact that my mom cried when he died)

what’s your favorite soda pop? diet coke, because i am ✨garbage✨

do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? drive thru!! the drive thru experience is one of my favorite things. i love cradling my lil head in my hand while i talk to the person over the intercom. pretty much flirt with every drive thru attendant i ever come across. they’re so cute. shout out to grace at my local starbucks

what’s your favorite number? another day passes where i don’t have a favorite number

who’s the last person you talked to? out loud, my brother. over text, i am talking to three (3) very cute people! one of them is yana, hey bb

favorite cut of beef? the fake kind!

last song you listened to? whistle while you work. i’m watching snow white

last book you read? lol guys, i’m a disgrace. i haven’t read a book in so long. i just don’t have the energy. all i do anymore is attend zoom meetings, cry about the news, and journal about the moon

favorite day of the week? what is a “day” of the “week”

can you say the alphabet backwards? i just attempted it. i can, but very slowly.

how do you like your coffee? iced 😇 with a splash of oat milk. but i just bought a french vanilla coconut milk creamer today. so i’m really branching out.

favorite pair of shoes? i love my white birkenstocks more than anything, but i hate exposing my feet. so probably my dad sneakers.

time you normally get up? arounnnnnd 5:00 a.m.

what do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? sunrises these days! usually far too dissociated to enjoy a sunset anymore lolllll i’m fine

how many blankets on your bed? just my main comforter, and my lil pink baby blanket that i still sleep with (balled up under my head)

describe your kitchen plates? they are pink & they are the same as yana’s

describe your kitchen at the moment? clean! except one dish in the sink. but clean, always

do you have a favorite alcoholic drink? i love a light beer! and learning to appreciate a red wine. nothing fancy.

do you play cards? almost never. i cannot stand games

what color is your car? my last three cars have accidentally been blue. the one i got in march (the first one i bought myself!!) is “cosmic blue” :’)

can you change a tire? no!! someone teach me though, i want to learn

your favorite state? pennsylvania, for better or for worse. 

favorite job you’ve had? 2018 me would be dying at current me even thinking of admitting this, but the one i have right now! it has taught me more than any job i’ve ever had, and introduced me to some of my favorite people, and treated me incredibly well during a time when so many have lost everything. cannot complain even slightly (although i most definitely do, and will continue to)

tagging: everyone that i would’ve tagged has already done this lol damn it guys!! @beautifulinsanesanity have you done this? idk. if you’ve made it this far & haven’t done it yet, then please consider yourself tagged.

-

🛑 IF YOU LIVE IN AMERICA - HI! ONE MONTH UNTIL ELECTION DAY! are you registered to vote (if you’re of age)? are you aware of how fucked we are if we don’t mobilize to get this ogre out of office? vote early if you can. vote in person if you can. volunteer to be a poll worker if you can. just ... literally please lol. i’m so tired.

love u.

[ljnuwu]

heartthrob!jeno

summary: heartthrob!jeno wants his habits to die but all his attempts to show you always seem to go wrong

genre: fluff(?), angst

warnings: cliche, like SUPer cliche, horrible grammar, cursing, kinda long(?) depends the kind of reader you are ig, not proofread

lee jeno amirite

alr so naturally being lee jeno everyone loves you

like how could you nOT love him its like impossible

now there are like a few people who don’t and that’s ok just live your life yknow

now lee jeno is like really really loveable

you know those situations where people are so nice that you want to kill them? that’s like everyone @ jeno minus the wanting to kill

instead it’s wanting to protect him at like all costs which is reasonable

ok so onto his dating life

jeno has a record of dating someone for like a solid one to three-ish weeks maybe the longest he’s ever dated anyone was like five weeks everyone thought he’d stay with them but it ended up breaking up so like :/

no one knows why jeno is like this like he drastically changed like kinda in the middle sophomore year 

like he went from a shy boy who couldn’t even look at a girl without blushing to this like confident boy that could make anyone’s heart flutter by just breathing

ok so like onto you

you actually were partners with jeno on a project in like the first half of sophomore year so like you know the og jeno yknow 😔

you also had like a minor crush on him at that time but we don’t talk about that

at first, you didn’t believe the rumors but then you saw/heard it with your own eyes & ears

you remember it so vividly like woah 

it was like maybe march or april of sophomore year when you were late to class and just didn’t bother going lmao 

so you were wandering around the school building and you thought you were the only one bc everyone had a class at that time so like you were kinda shocked to hear some voices in the hallways

so you wanted to be nosy bc like why not jsjd 

alr so this is what you heard 😳

“hyejin, what don’t you get? why do i have to repeat myself so many times to you?!”

“because i don’t get it! we’re literally perfect for each other!”

at this point you kinda regret eavesdropping so you try to leave quietly 

“it’s simple i don’t love you, i never did and i never will. please, did you think this would last forever? i only date for the thrill and when it’s gone so am i”

as much as you hated to admit it, you felt a little pang in your heart when you heard the boy’s words

how could someone live like that? but then again, who were you to judge how someone lived their life 

“screw you, lee jeno!” 

your eyes widen when you heard the name that was yelled out by the girl 

lee jeno?? the shyest boy on earth broke someone’s heart???? really??

at this time you didn’t know jeno was gonna be a new resident heartthrob at your school cause you’re kinda slow with news 

your friends weren’t even surprised when you asked why there were so many sad girls, seeing as you can be pretty oblivious sometimes :// me too dw 😔

so they were like jeno became like a fboi/heartthrob/heartbreaker something like that over night 

and you were like :0 bc you knew as jeno as the like really shy and nice guy who’s smile was like so adorable and made you want to protect you know 😔

alr so now to the present like two-ish years later it seems that jeno’s goal is to break like every girl’s heart at least in your grade yknow he’s going a grade at a time guys ghksd 

so you were his next target *sad emoji* how did you know this? well it seemed that he popped up next to your locker like everyday since school started back up after summer break lol

he’d usually greet you with a good morning or pickukp line

today’s was “aside from being absolutely breathtaking what do you do for a living?”

“well, i don’t really have a job but i am a student which means if i spare you any more of my breath i’ll be late to class. see you later heartthrob!” 

with that you zoom up the stairs and to your next class 

so class is over and it’s the ONLY class you share with jeno and like a third of his friends

the class was,,, overwhelming to say the least

from the girls swooning at literally everything jeno does to his friends being loud

yall know how loud like three of the members in dream are so 😔🖐

ok so this teacher is pretty chill and lets students like sit wherever which you at this moment realize is a mistake so you’re just hoping some girl at least tRiES to grab jeno’s attention and convince him but it seems luck isn’t on your side and all of the girls just seem to starstruck by jeno breathing

so he sits next to you surprise surprise 

and every time he’d tried to talk to you you’d ask the teacher a question, pretending not to hear him every time

at this point jeno got kinda annoyed but he just inhaled and exhaled, he could do this

when he was going to ask you something or flirt with you the bell rang

you didn’t pack up quickly like jeno expected- no you wanted to confuse him or maybe annoy him furthermore so when you’re practically done packing up you turn to him and say, “i miss the old shy and sweet jeno, don’t you? isn’t this whole heartthrob thing kinda tiring at times?” 

and jeno was like shook no one’s ever said that to him like woah yknow

he just kinda stayed frozen looking at you he was like: 👁👄👁 lmao jskfdj

so you just offer a smile and rush to your next class instantly regretting all your life decisions and when you get to your next class you sit down and your shoulders slump and you just bang your head on the desk yknow like jinsoul in that one live yeah :/

meanwhile jeno is still in the classroom stuck standing at that same spot and just staring at space

“hey jeno you alright bro?”

“jun shut up i think he’s having a realization moment”

“wtf is that?” 

“idk i just wanted to tell you to shut up”

and so renjun and hyuck start fighting and then jeno was like

“guys, do you miss the old me?”

“you mean the shy guy in freshman and like the first half of sophomore? nah you’re way cooler no-”

“hyuck literally shut up for oNCE oh my god”

“why should i”

“he doesn’t mean it you know we all miss the old you jeno, but who you choose to be is all up to you”

“woah that’s some deep shit renjun”

“i know bro” 

so like time skip to lunch everyone starts whispering when you enter the cafeteria and you were confused but then you sense a presence next to you and you can’t help but roll your eyes

does this guy just not give up?

so you sit at your table with your friends who give you pity looks and they eventually scoot a bit away from you and jeno 

some friends they are 😔

and you just start eating ignoring jeno because you don’t really know what to say?? like ok jsjf 

you’re kinda awkward and don’t know how to start a conversation with someone who wants to break your heart so it’s obviously gonna be a bit awkward yknow ://

then jeno just like clears his throat and is like “we were partners for a project in sophomore year, yeah?” 

to say you were surprised that he remembered that is an understatement but like your pride got the best of you and so you were like, “you can remember that but you can’t remember the last three girls you dated? interesting”

jeno poor boi chokes on his food like jaemin in that one video yknow 

but he just nervously laughs and decides he should just give up but like his pride man

“why don’t we go somewhere after school?” 

“are you asking me on a date lee jeno?”

“yes i am, you do know i’m not as shy as before, right?”

“trust me, i know that all too well” you mumble giving a tight smile you think jeno didn’t hear but he did and he thinks back to your words, it has gotten quite tiring and not to mention lonely doing this whole heartthrob thing

“well, are you going to answer my question?”

“hmm sure why not”

jeno was surprised by your answer but you just gave in knowing he won’t stop annoying you until you give in and you’d rather have a very peaceful school year

so time skip school is over and everyone collectively sighs in relief when the school gates are open 

you’re not surprised when you see jeno at the school gates waiting for you,,,,, with a bunch of girls surrounding him, asking him questions in their honey voices so you just stand there and watch him suffer at his attempts to tell them he’s got somewhere to go or smth like that 

he catches you looking at him and his situation laughing, i mean you were pretty amused by his situation but eventually you got bored and walked out of school and on your way to a cafe where you usually go to study

you don’t expect jeno to show up next to you out of breath, looking like a lost puppy

“finally got out of the hands of your adoring fangirls i assume?” you ask

you couldn’t help but smile at your own comment

“wouldn’t you like to know”

“actually i wouldn’t”

“so where to now?” jeno asks looking ahead changing the subject

you giggle again and quicken your pace

jeno finds your giggle,,, what’s the word... cute? 

no impossible

all the girls he’s been with had cute giggles

so why did he feel butterflies erupt in his stomach when you giggled? werid lmao

so yall made your way to the cafe and once you get there you immediately get your notes and stuff out

once you got everything settled and stuff you mumble a quick stay here to jeno so you can order and jeno can save your spot bless him 

so you order and stuff (i don’t really go to cafes and places like that often so that’s why i’m so awkward sorry)

once you settle back down in your seat you offer a sip to jeno and he reluctantly takes the cup and sips the drink he’s surprised at how good it is tbh same 😔

so once he sets your drink back down next to you you look up at him expectantly

“good, right?”

he simply nods and looks like he’s trying to solve all his life problems (me too bro)

you quirk your brows which jeno found REALLY CUTE LIKE REALLY REALLY CUTE HOW IS SOMEONE SO CUTE but shrug it off and go back to reviewing your notes while jeno contemplates the world’s exsistence

“so was that indirect kiss intentional or?”

you look up at him while you’re drinking your coffee with wide eyes but unlike jeno, you don’t choke you just set your drink calmly at least that’s what it looks like but inside you’re screaming 

“if we’re going to be talking and possiblly even dating for two weeks might as well become more friendly” you respond looking at him dead in the eye 

and at this moment jeno realized you had guts like bro no one he’s ever dated was that bold

and so he just smiles yknow that smile i’m sure you know that smile 

and so once you’re done studying and stuff idk you go back home and jeno offers to walk you home and you were like sure bc it’s not like he’ll take no for an answer

so the next day ! 

and on his way to school he thinks about all his life choices so far

and one of them is this heartthrob thing

is it really worth it? does he really want to continue committing to his goal i mean is the goal that important

deep shit like that yknow

and then he decided he’ll continue his goal bc why not

so when he got to school he waited at your locker for a WHILE

jeno almost gave up waiting but when he saw you rushing through the school doors his face literally lit up and he stood a little straighter

he’s whipped wbk

so he looks down at his phone rereading the pick up line he found on the internet 

when you opened your locker you were like, “sorry to keep you waiting, i missed the bus and just made for a run for it. sorry for being late, babe.”

hfhsjk i just cringed typing that hNGn ok 

so boi jeno was like shook and made that noise yknow the eH  

and you just smile and it seems your timing is always perfect bc then the bell rings 

so time skip to like a week later

by this time you’ve gotten used to jeno and jeno has gotten used to you and how you can sometimes be bold like REALLY bold lmao

and you get used to jeno being awkward and cute and his pick up lines but i mean you got used to it immediately bc that was how the old jeno™ 

so you guys are just walking with ice cream (cliche i know 😔)

so there’s this ice cream parlor that’s pretty close to your school and a lot of students go there so that’s why you’re not that surprised to see a bunch of familiar faces as you walk out of the parlor but you become aware of the fact that you are walking and holding hands with the lee jeno™ and so you kinda loosen your grip on jeno’s hand and look down at the ground

jeno notices this and immediately grabs your hand again, lightly squeezing it to reassure you everything is fine :)

and that’s when you hear it

“lee jeno got a new girlfriend already? guess i was too late” 

“don’t worry they probably won’t even last two weeks”

“how much you wanna bet they won’t even last one week”

and then your mood drops even more :(((

you think that jeno doesn’t hear it but he did and he’s >:(

and that’s when he decides that you will be first person he will love and no one else his first and last amirite

it’s not like he’s forcing himself to love you bc he’s well one his way 

everyone can see how he’s whipped for you but they still doubt it’ll last :/

so while he’s deep in thought he doesn’t realize that you’ve just stayed in that same spot after hearing those girls and when jeno realizes this he rushes to your side and takes your hand in his

then you look up at him in somewhat surprise and he just smiles

“i promise you that i will love you and only you, you’ll be my first and last love” (can you hear me dying and cringing while typing this?)

you can see the sincerity in his eyes and voice when he says this to you and you were like, “ayyy that’s a bit cringe even for you heartthrob no?”

he just chuckles softly and you can’t help but smile

believing him at that time may have been your worst mistake 

“soooo, how would you feel being my girlfriend?”

“why not, heartthrob” 

scratch that, that was you’re worst mistake

so a week later everyone is surprised to see jeno pursuing a girl for that long yknow i don’t even know what this is anymore shfjls ok 

so when it’s revealed you are official the whole school starts placing bets to see how long yall would last and although you’re kinda :( you immediately go :) bc you remember jeno’s words and decide no one needs to believe yall would last only you two. yknow cliche and cheesy stuff like that bc love has you blinded sis 

and so when you finally get to your locker you see jeno,,,, followed by a bunch of girls begging to break up with you and get with them and he just smiles and nods 

cause that’s all the poor boy knows, smiling and nods and then he spots you and his face immediately lights up and you just give him a tight smile and a questioning look bc how are you gonna get to your locker with all these girls in the way

you don’t want to be rude or anything so you just try your best to push through the crowd

when you finally get to your locker jeno’s attention goes to you and what you start doing, ignoring all the girls trying to get his attention lmao

eventually the crowd thins out and you just look to him with a slight smirk

“the heartthrob title seems to follow you everywhere, huh?”

“i really wanna drop it for you, yknow”

“hmm i can tell” 

you both just share a knowing smile and it’s so cute omg uwu

and so time skip to like lunch and you’re sitting with your friends after you had an agreement with jeno to let you sit with your friends this time around and he just obeys like a little puppy jskj

“what did he tell you that has you so whipped?” your friend finally starts with a slight smirk 

and you’re just like hmm? and look up from your food 

you aren’t necessarily into love but neither are you heartless you get me?

so you explain to them what jeno said to you that day in the shortest way possible and they just look at each other 

and you’re left clueless like, what?

and finally one of your friends speak up

“you don’t believe him right? he says that to like every girl when they’re unsure if they want to get with him”

and you’re just like ‘oh’ and look at your food

you can’t believe you actually believed his words

you’re mad at jeno, sure but more mad at yourself for believing him so you just nod at your friends

as if to tell them you understood

so skip to where you confront jeno :0

“you think you can lie to me and just simply get away with it?” you look jeno dead in the eye and he’s just caught off guard by your words and your voice 

“w-what do you mean?”

“don’t play games with me lee jeno. you know i thought something could actually come out of this, if not a relationship then at least a friendship! all you know is how to lie to someone jeno. i’m not going to waste my time on a relationship built off of lies.”

jeno is left speechless, what did you mean? why are you suddenly acting like this? wasn’t everything fine last time you guys talked

you seeing his confused face you decide to explain furthermore

“that whole first and last speech was just something you recited to every girl, wasn’t it?” 

jeno doesn’t respond for a while and just looks at you, searching for what you’re feeling but it seems he can’t figure out what it is you’re thinking

you take his silence as him agreeing with your question

you scoff and decide you’ve had enough of lee jeno today and start walking home

you weren’t surprised when lee jeno didn’t follow you 

the next day at school you don’t see jeno at your locker and you just shrug it off 

when you open your locker an envelope falls out and you hesitantly pick it up

you open it and start reading it because your curiosity got the best of you

dear y/n, i’m sorry for not following you home when it’s pretty dangerous for a beautiful girl like you to go on your own. not that you aren’t perfectly capable of protecting yourself but it would calm my heart a bit if i knew you got home safely. i just want you to know that i wasn’t bluffing when i told you that. i may have said something along the lines of those words but that doesn’t mean i didn’t mean it with you. you are probably the only person that has told me they missed the new me. when you told me that you really put me through a spiral of thoughts. one of them being what happens if i just drop this whole heartthrob thing? then what will happen. maybe i can actually find love in this highschool, highschool sweethearts are always interesting stories to tell. that’s when i realized that it could be you. someone who has seen the old me and even misses it. which, if i’m being honest i kinda do too. this is getting too long ahhhh. what i’m trying to say is that i will truly love you and only you. 

sincerely, lee jeno

you hear someone clear their throat next to you and you look up to see jeno himself with a single rose which you gladly take lmao

“give me another chance?”

“three dates starting tomorrow, all at the diner we went to. don’t be late”

“r-right of course”

the next day was a saturday and you were waiting for jeno

“hey! i know you said not to be late but something came up with my family and i couldn’t get out of helping-”

“i get it, it’s fine jeno” you smile, letting this slide

you get it, family situations are always hard to get out of

the second day was sunday and you were waiting for jeno

you start regretting ever talking to that boy, it seemed like he didn’t even care at this point

maybe that letter was nothing but lies as well

you hear a bell ring, signaling someone had entered the diner 

you look up and see jeno searching for you with worried eyes

he was about to open his mouth to give you a reason but you just nod and smile, “it doesn’t matter right now, what matters is that you’re here now”

jeno just nods his head and reluctantly agrees with you

the third and final day was monday and you were once again, waiting for lee jeno

it just so happens that he ended up getting detention today so he was going to be late

at least that’s what he texted you

when you hear the door open you see jeno and you decide he’s not worth your time anymore

jeno tries his best to explain to you why he’s got detention but all you can look at are his crinkled clothes and the lipstick stains all over his face and neck. 

he realizes you’re staring at his face. he raises his forefinger hesitantly up to his left cheek and looks down at it, only to realize what you’ve been staring at this whole time. 

when he looks up to where you stood, he tries once again, to explain but it seems the words are just stuck in his throat. 

“it’s okay, old habits die hard.” you spoke, offering him a smile and walking out of the diner, leaving a defeated jeno.

he really wanted this to work

he really wanted to give you all the love you deserved 

but nothing seems to go his way

being known as a heartless boy who gives up on trying to love or even having a relationship seems fitting for him, right?

a/n: this is crap and the ending was kinda rushed sorry :( this is my first bulleted scenario and i really enjoyed it! it turned out to be longer than i expected it to be lmao but please do drop some more requests!1! hopefully this will be a filler til i get my phone back jsjdf (part two? i’m jk skks)

[maximura]

MVNALYSIS: GOD’S MENU by STRAY KIDS

Hello friends, seeing as 2020 is going down in flames anyways, there seems like no better time than to start my MV Analysis series, MVNALYSIS. Storytelling and cinematography are both important but the technical aspect is definitely more interesting to me. If you’ve followed me for any length of time, you’d know how often I yell about a good lighting scheme so this is just an extension of that.

There have been some great MVs this year but the one that really lit my fuse and prompted me to do this is God’s Menu by Stray Kids. If you haven’t seen it yet, go watch it first then come back. This is very long so if you’re not really interested in the technical aspects of music videos then I would definitely recommend scrolling past. 

1) The Cyberpunk-Anime Intro tracking shot. That flourescent-neon title card reminds me of cyberpunk aesthetic, especially if you’ve seen the trailer for Cyberpunk 2077. I really love title cards because they remind me of old movies and cartoons. To throw it up so nonchanlantly immediately sets the vibe and subconsciously triggers your mind to think about when you last saw something like that, be it a video game or anime or a movie. They use it a lot more often than other groups and I never noticed until I went back to watch a few of their videos for this post. 

The Intro to God’s Menu is both a sonic and visual assault. It’s so fcking good that I am almost sad I will never get to watch it again for the first time. 

That tracking shot for Changbin is just beautiful perfection because it has three levels of depth and a very controlled use of blocking. The deepest level is the chaos in the background, the main level is Changbin and the most superficial level is the one closest to the camera, with the marching band player. Interestingly, the movement and speed of each level progresses in descending order: the background is crazy busy, Changbin is moving through at a controlled pace and the marching band player is almost still, like a sign post to reiterate the depth of field. 

There are a few really famous and amazing tracking shots, so I’m just going to link them here if you are interested in camera work: Atonement (legendary tbh), 1917 (deserved the cinematography Oscar), Ava Adore (you can see the track they used for the whole video) and the Baby Driver introduction has one of the best tracking shots but I won’t link to it out of respect for people who might be triggered. 

Sometimes you watch something and you don’t know why it’s so cool. Well, this is why it’s so cool. This is why some MVs are so interesting to re-watch and why others have no re-watch value at all. 

2) Transitions and editing. Oh boy. The fcking transitions. Sometimes people think of them like a cheap trick in the vein of a horror movie jump scare but when you see a good transition, 'cheap’ should be the last word you think of. All the transitions are worth mentioning: Changbin seemingly changing the frame with his hand, Han’s mid-choreo transition and Hyunjin’s forced perspective to mimic the spotlight. I suppose they are are little flashy and tricked-out but it doesn’t change how cool they look. The video editer deserves all the credit for this one. 

It’s seems obvious but I can’t ignore the stop-motion DuDuDuDu editing either. It does exactly what the music does in that moment: it’s jarring and abrupt and literally like shots fired and bleeding red. Sometimes literal interpretations are cringey and don’t work but sometimes they work so well you wish everyone was on this level. 

A more subtle transition is one that I don’t see a lot of people talking about but it’s when the music shifts from the heavy rap to the smoother vocals. The first time it happens we went from the dark enclosed confines of Han’s kitchen rap to vast open air of the cars racing. The smooth flow of the vocals is echoed in the smooth silent roll of the car tires and then the smooth choreo from Bangchan with that bright God ray lens flare. It’s just like a smooth smooth smooth flow of water after total chaos and that’s exactly what the music is trying to do: the rap is a spicy meal, the vocals are a glass of cool water. Seriously, this MV is so well thought out and well planned. It’s like the director actually listened to the track. What a crazy notion, heh. 

3) Robot Camera. If you’re not sure which part I mean, it’s basically during Han’s rap, Felix’s 5 Star Michelin part and the subtle camera tilt for the group choreo. You can see it in action in their ‘Making Of’ video. You’ve probably seen this used before, most notably on Jungkook for DNA but I think it was made really popular in music MVs when Kendrick Lamar did it for Humble. Everyone is using it now but I still love it. No human can film with that precision and it’s seriously cool use of tech. I like that they didn’t overuse it though because it would’ve felt too repetitive. Restraint? In Kpop? Hell really has frozen over today. 

4) The colour and lighting. It’s generally really well lit and coloured but the most remarkable thing to point out here is that God’s Menu has only four sets. It feels like it has some meat and depth to it because they used those four sets to their full capacities. In contrast, I think I counted 9 sets for GOT7′s ‘Not By The Moon’ and let’s be honest, they were all kind of wasted. 

The scrapyard set is used four times with four different lighting schemes and you barely notice how repetitive it is because they all look so different. The garage scene is my favourite example of good depth of field because they’re in a tiny confined area for choreo but it doesn’t actually feel tiny or confined because of the huge open grandstand in the background. 

Also. It’s rad how the video goes from day to night. I didn’t even notice until the third or fourth re-watch. 

5) Kendrick Lamar. I just wanted to spend a little time on this point because I hear and see his influence on God’s Menu. Obviously, Kendrick doesn’t have a patent or copyright on use of RoboCams but the main backing track is very Humble-esque and the DuDuDu reminds me of old KL. It’s a little grating tbh but the producer at least showed some restraint with it. Any more of the DDD part and it would’ve been too obnoxious to listen to. 

6) Styling. I really love these black outfits because they look like a cross between a karate uniform/dobok and black chef aprons. I wasn’t really sure why they went with the racetrack imagery but there is something about this entire MV that reminds me of anime/manga...and then I remembered that Initial D existed. If you’ve never heard of Initial D until now? You’re welcome. 

Oh and Hyunjin’s hair. Damm. 

7) Bias: Okay, I’m Australian and I used to live in Sydney so part of me has always been invested in Chris and Felix. But. I have to be straight with you all, that tag-team of Changbin and Han is insane. Insane, I tell you! I wish I could hear that rap intro again for the very first time. It’s like when I heard Mingi’s rap in Wonderland for the first time. Some things are just inexplicable. 

8) Conclusion: This is one of the best MVs JYPE has ever made and it’s not even story driven. The modern tech and insane editing is truly next level and I hope people appreciate the work that went into it instead of just seeing it as another flashy kpop video with no substance just because it’s not “deep and meaningful”. 

[purplesurveys]

772

What was the last thing you threw at someone? A piece of meat for my dog to run for. Well, walk and sniff around for. He’s an old guy and doesn’t run anymore unless we’re taking him out for a walk. Do you follow recipes? I always certainly have to, since I don’t have any one dish memorized. I’ll start off with a collection of recipes for sure, but I’m hopeful that I’ll be at least a decent cook over the next few years. Where's the last place you had an itch? The area behind my knee.

Do you look people in the eye when you talk to them? It’s always important to have eye contact to show you’re paying attention so yeah. But I know it can get uncomfortable for most people at some point – and me – so I’ll give my eyes a break and look at their forehead, their nose, the space between their eyes, etc. When you look into someone's eyes, can you see their pain? Uh no, I don’t look that intensely lmao. And even then, I’ve learned over the years that most people are very good in hiding or playing off their true emotions that even if I try to find something off, I’ll likely turn up with nothing.

When was the last time you sneezed? Midnight today. How do you act under pressure? It will depend on how much there is to do and how much time there is left. I don’t have one permanent behavior for every time I feel pressured, which is pretty often. Who did you last say "I love you" to? My dog. Do you ever call people just to hear the sound of their voice? Yes, back when everything was normal I’d sometimes call my girlfriend just to drop by and say hi, and also because our schools are a little far apart and I’ll miss her in the middle of the day. School usually stresses her out so I do that as a pick-me-up for her. When was the last time you used a glue stick? January maybe? Our profs always ask us to submit index cards with our contact details and a 1x1 photo at the start of the semester, so there’s a good chance I asked to borrow glue from someone to paste my photo onto the card. What was the last startling noise you heard? Some dipshit on my Twitter feed decided it was good fun to share a jumpscare disguised as an innocent, cute video at 3 AM. I was mad about it then and I’m still mad as hell about it now lol. Do you ever look back at your yearbooks? I did this a lot as a kid. Idk why, I found it interesting to get to know the people in my school and read their write-ups I guess. I stopped looking back on them precisely because I did it too much when I was younger. Do you ever want to be prom queen/king? No. I did not give a shit about prom at all. I really would’ve happily skipped out on it but my school is a complete killjoy and made both attendance and bringing a date mandatory for everyone. No stags, can you believe it? It’s like when Captain Holt from Brooklyn Nine Nine said “Have a good time, I specifically requested it” lol Are you tired? Tired of this quarantine, yes. But I took a nap not too long ago so I’m not feeling to sleepy in that sense. Have you ever ran from the police? I haven’t done anything for them to have to do run after me, so no. Are you afraid of clowns? Not really. I was never exposed to them much so I always just saw them as people in heavy makeup that do balloon animals and other funny tricks. Have you ever written on someone's face in your yearbook? HAHA yes. When my sister and I were kids we bickered a lot, and in one of our fights I thought it’d be funny to doodle on her kinder portrait. She didn’t think so and she started wailing - just in time, I heard my mom coming home and I had to think fast so my sister a) stopped crying and b) wouldn’t tell on me. So I did the stupidest thing and also doodled on my own prep portrait to make her feel better. She calmed down and my mom never found out. When was the last time you made dinner? I *helped* my dad make dinner a few months ago. I haven’t completed a meal myself. Do you have any special plans coming up? They’re gonna be mellowing down the lockdown rules in my province by the 15th and I’m really hoping to see Gabie soon. Realistically I doubt it would happen as I don’t think both our parents would agree to it, but it’s still nice to keep hoping. Did you just lose the game? Yep, but I really only found out about this game from Reddit a few months ago and I didn’t grow up having to play it, so I’m never all too pissed off or like emotionally invested in general whenever I lose it haha. What is a class at school you are interested in taking? There are global studies electives that I was unaware of until someone told me to take them after I enrolled for my last sem in collefge. There are courses on Turkish culture, global gastronomy, and they also had past courses on ‘Diversity on Perspectives on Peace and Conflict,’ ‘Cultures of Disasters,’ and ‘Cultures and their Global Entanglements.’ They all sound right up my alley and am disappointed no one told me sooner. Do you hold on to your dreams? Some of them, the ones I know I have a chance of attaining. Obviously I’ve had to let some go, like wanting to go to the moon or becoming a firefighter. Do you follow rules or break them? Follow. I don’t like getting into trouble. Is there someone you are dying to see? A lot of people. Who do you want to be buried next to? I’ve given this zero thoughts. Are you double-jointed? Nope. Did your dream last night involve blood? It didn’t. I’m not even sure what my dreams were anymore. Who was the last person to yell at you? My mom, probably. How do you feel about the new president? I wouldn’t call him new, he’s in the latter half of his term now. I hate him and I hope he dies soon. Do good things come to those who wait? Sure, it can happen. What is the last song you played on iTunes? I haven’t used that in a while. The last one I listened to on Spotify was Sudden Desire by Hayley Williams. Petals For Armor is still on loop, surprise. What is the last thing you looked up on youtube? I was showing my sister the hilarious Vine of Beyoncé where she thanks a talk show host who tells her “You are Beyoncé,” as if it was a compliment looooool, so I looked up “you are beyonce thank you.” When is the last time you went to the grocery store? March 9th. What is your favorite fish? Tuna or eel for raw fish, tilapia for cooked. What kind of calendar do you have? A digital one. Have you ever been two hours late for school? Oh hell no. I’ve been late before, but if it’s as dramatic as being an hour late I usually just cut class to save myself the embarassment of having to do the walk of shame entering the class. What is your favorite stuffed animal that you own? I don’t have any stuffed animals. Who did you hang out with yesterday? My family, as has been the case since March. Has anyone stolen your heart yet? Yes. Have you ever won a gold medal? No. I’ve won first place before, but they didn’t issue out gold medals. Do you have any trophies? Also no. Do you work out? I don’t. When you introduce yourself, do you give hand shakes? Sometimes, but tbh I just picked it up from Gabie who’s a big hand-shaker. I preferably wouldn’t cause it seems so formal to me. Is there a limit to how many best friends you have? Yeah, like I wouldn’t want to have a lot; I like keeping my immediate circle small. I’m more than content with my two best friends. When's the last time you went to a dance? 2016. What grade are you in? Soooooooooo unbelievably close to graduating college. Are you in a band? I’m not and haven’t been. Have you ever been in a talent show? No thanks. Have you ever won a contest? Competitions, yes. Contests, no. How do you feel about germs? I’m quite particular about them. I don’t like sharing clothes with people; I pick which friends get to eat off of my spoon or sip from my straw; I’m super iffy about touching someone else’s keyboard; I really don’t like having to touch other people’s hair and with that is also the fact that I never borrow or lend hair ties. Holy shit so I’m more germaphobic than I thought and all I had to do was list these things down......................... Do you like screamo music? Not really. What does your wallet look like? Pink and a lot thinner now that I haven’t been given an allowance since they stopped school. Do you have any hickeys on you? No. At this point, I really wish I did lmao Would you rather have money or love? Money. I love love, but I won’t deny that I also love being able to afford the lifestyle I want to live haha. Do you have any family pictures hanging on the wall? Not on the wall, but we have several frames lined up on the first few steps of our stairs. Which do you prefer: bath or shower? Bath after a long hard day. Shower most days. Do you have a lamp in your room? I used to, but I removed it after realizing the light just keeps me from falling asleep faster.

Do you have windows vista? No. Do you have the strength to say goodbye forever? I’ll deal with it if I had no choice, but I’ve never handled goodbyes well.

[flipsideds]

“ oh, haha... ”  a default response to a very non-default situation –– a little post-show, barside rendez-vous with an older man who insists nour has been singing to directly to him the entire night. “ flirting ?  i... ”  

gentle eyes gloss over the banquet hall’s dimmed lights, bright smiles, flickering electric candles... “ . . . what’s that ? ”  and then he’s off, gin and tonic in hand. three strides and it’s already half-drained. yikes.

or, alternatively :  greetings loved ones!! my name is linc ( 21 / est / she/her ) and here is the ever so graceful, ever so unintentionally magnetic nour al-busiri! below the cut you’ll find a messy run-down. i am so excited to plot & write with all of you !!

( i’m scheduled for a tonsillectomy tomorrow so i’m gonna be so grateful for the distraction, y’all have no idea. ) 

if you want some great mood-setters for this beb’s backstory / insight into his soul, slap on some jacob collier, kevin garrett, or charlie burg ‘n let’s get cookin’ !

so this is all copy-pasted from a discord chat with devon bc i improvised nour’s entire life story over a span of... 10 minutes ?? bahaha pls enjoy i apologize in advance. ( i also put this in normal text size bc it is v long and i don’t want anyone hurting their eyes !! protect dem beautiful retinas <3 )

h i s t o r y .

his parents met in grade school in egypt, but then didn't reconnect until their masters studies crossed paths in london... immediately fell head over heels again ( had they been searching for one another in crowds since being 6-7 years old?? maybe... ). graduated top of their class, accepted job offers in london in the biopharmaceutical realm. but then. when nour was 3...

they were involved in a freak monorail accident on their way back from a science conference in amsterdam. the babysitter paid 80 quid to watch the kids for two nights became their sole protector in this world. british authorities had trouble contacting other kin, but managed to reach mr. al-busiri's mother, rashida, who was still living in dahab with her second husband, zaim.

the al-busiri's came from old money. so off nour goes ( and potentially his older bro if i decide he exists... potential wc with a rami malek fc tbh ) to live in the city which, unbeknownst to him, sparked his parents' storybook love.

so nour grows up in this like... picturesque seaside childhood. collects shells. bonds with his grandmother and her husband. they encourage him with school, etc. but he quickly shows that he excels at maths and... music? wow. that's unexpected. gets his first piano at 5. first guitar at 6. by 8 1/2, he's managed to hodge-podge together a little recording studio for himself in his bedroom, and he's constantly serenading his friends at school.

( death tw / illness tw ) then comes zaim's stroke. he lives for four months after, but he loses his ability to speak. his motor skills deteriorate. nour and his grandmother do their best to tend to him –– she's already about 40% down the macular degeneration path, but hasn't told him yet that her vision's going. so 10 y/o nour does what he does best: unconditional love and support, delivered through the gift of song. zaim dies after requesting his favorite song: 'blackbird' by the beatles, sung in verses alternating from english to arabic.

after,  it's just nour and rashida against the world ( maybe his brother too bergorghre if i decide he's a thing ) . rashida's forced to come clean about her vision the day she can't for the life of her find the bloody pen she just put down so she can finish signing off on nour's choir trip permission slip. ( it's right next to her, to her left, just out of her closing field of vision. ) things progress more rapidly after that. by the time nour's 16, his grandmother is legally blind. it's not an uncommon sight to see him at the markets or strolling along the beach with her on his arm. she refuses canes as long as nour's around. ( “ don't rob me of my youth, nuri-nuri [ my light ] ”  )

despite her growing dependency on him, she encourages him to apply to unis all over the globe. by the time college apps roll around, nour is somewhat of a local household name: he plays summer concerts, coffee shops, and is even asked to play at his teacher's wedding ceremony –– and his neighbor's cat funeral.

acceptances roll in. julliard. berkeley. chicago school of music. he chooses chicago, because there's someone there. someone he connected with online a few years back, a friend, but... could turn into something more. this hopeless romantic heedlessly ventures off to find out if this boy in chicago might... be someone. something more.

spoiler alert: he gets to chicago, starts music school. and each meet-up they set? gets pushed. sometimes it's traffic. a cold. transit trouble. can't get work off, sorry. things with ma are really tough. the excuses kept coming but... nour's naive. he believes every word. but in his second year of uni, things....... start getting suspicious. by chance, he spots this man in the window of a coffee shop downtown. overjoyed, he texts as much. but ... messages go read and unanswered. phone calls dwindle.

his music suffers. so does his muse. so much so that he's tempted to drop out, to throw in the towel, to just...... go back home. he speaks with his grandmother each day on the phone. she's doing well, stop worrying, nuri-nuri, your uncle is taking good care of me. nour goes on dates. thinks about chicago boy. thinks about him a lot.

he's 20 when it happens. sat on a stage in a little dive bar, tuning his acoustic guitar for an opening number, and there. those eyes. he knows them.

they talk after the show, in the alley. share a cigarette. and it's almost like... maybe things are finally clicking. maybe this is finally their shot.

except chicago boy ( neil ) says they have to stop talking. that he had to just... see nour for himself. see that he's real. hear him sing, and... move on. nour doesn't buy it. pushes back. asks why the hell neil'd come out now only to slink back to the shadows. things get heated. neil yells. and the men... the men who hear and come running ?  they think nour is the cause of it all.

( hate crime tw, violence tw )  how many kicks does it take to break to the center of a broken heart ? twelve. how many broken ribs does it take to immobilize a probably terrorist, dude ? four. shattered wrist. snapped ankle. broken arm. cracked skull. and neil scuttles off like nour's bad meat. bad blood. like he asked for this. 

chicago school of music receives a call from weiss memorial three days later.

nour never gets his degree. he breaks his apartment lease. flies home after he heals, spends a year with his grandmother and uncle. just... creating. writing, playing, trying to fill that void with something. but then things with his uncle get heated. he wants to put his own mother in a home, sell the estate, pocket the cash. nour fights it, but he's got no legal bearing.

the nursing home concept never takes hold, though, because his grandmother's still sharp as shit and refuses to sign anything nour doesn't read first. eventually the uncle grows tired of fighting and stops trying, just... slinks back to his husband and keeps his mouth shut. nour's grandmother pressures him to go back to chicago, make that city wish he never left. take back his own story. together they work to find a live-in aide they trust. freshly 22, nour ventures back to the city that broke him.

he finds cheap housing, a gig. the malnati, seems legit. good money. good exposure. and then he meets @ryderxmms​ –– they form one night stand. when not scheduled for malnati banquets, you can find nour providing vocals ( and occasional keys ) in the dive bars / parties the band lands gigs at.

g e n e r a l .

nour creates like food and drink don’t exist, sunlight is an illusion, and all the human body needs for sustenance is sound. he can find his way around just about any instrument under the sun, but his main poisons are piano, acoustic guitar, and digital recording tools –– think jacob collier and you’re right on the money.

actually, i’m stealing a lot of jacob collier discography and pegging it as his creations. this kid’s got an experimental sound and loves it.

he grew up speaking english and arabic equally, but because he learned english in london and then continued in egypt, he does have a mild brit-arab accent. it’s v cute, i promise.

looks like he’d be a total lothario, yeah ?? but. he’s so shy ?  so sweet ?  get him on a stage and he’s shameless but plop him in a bar and eye him up and he’ll honestly just smile nervously and pretend you’re looking at someone else.

love languages : singing to his succulents and plants before his 5am morning runs. facetime calls at times least convenient for him, but most convenient for you. little notes written on napkins, smiley face doodles included. candy bars. lingering a little longer in doorways after saying hello, just to see you smile.

he’s got major water sign vibes. birthday comin’ up in march, woot woot !!

he often wears very simple statement pieces. he likes rings, crystal pendants, leather bracelets. soft tees layered with embroidered jackets, metallic blazers. somehow he pulls off mixed media and crazy prints that should never go together ?  he just... is so easy breezy.

he often wears his hair wild ‘n curly, unless the gig he’s got mandates a more streamlined look. 

falls in love.... 14 times a day ??  really.

has a scar across his left temple from the incident with neil. will probably write it off as a bike riding accident. ( he doesn’t know how to ride a bike. )

don’t let him cook ever, okay ??  unless you want him to literally do this.

pls come at me for all the plots ?  i’m so open for all the things !!!  y’all got me on discord, so feel free to slide on into my dms. i promise i will be so thrilled <3

[softlunars]

happy birthday, my prince! ♡

happy birthday to the sweetest baby boy! i couldn’t be prouder of hyunjin, and i couldn’t be happier being able to see him grow as a person and an artist. may 19 treat you with the kindness and sincerity that you deserve. happy 19th birthday hyunjin!!! also kinda consider this a pick-me-up after that woojin imagine i just posted uwuwuwu

you

were prepared

this day, this moment, is the sole thing you were born for

your purpose

march 20th was the day you pulled out all stops and made ur boy’s, hwang hyunjin’s, birthday the best it could possibly ever be

maybe you’ve been planning this for the past like. 3 weeks BUT THAT’S BESIDE THE POINT!!!!

you’re gonna make your baby boy’s 19th birthday one to REMEMBER!!!! (; ･`д･´)​

so the plan was to:

a.) get one of the Boiz to take hyunjin out until around 4:00 and keep him busy as the Preparation started

b.) enlist the other Boiz to help you decorate the dorm and Go All Out

and c.) almost give hyunjin a heart attack with the surprise party

it was the Perfect Plan  (*°▽°*)

it would’ve been more perfect if half of skz hadn’t COMPLAINED ABOUT THEIR PARTICIPATION THAT THEY DIDN’T SIGN UP FOR

but they still participated cause you bribed them with shaved ice afterwards SKDHLSKJDLS

when the Fated Day came, you got ya boy bang chan to take hyunjin out for a leisurely stroll along Wherever The Heck Chan Would Bring Him and then the real deal commenced

the remaining 7 boys helped you set up, albeit very...... annoyingly

THEY WOULDNT STOP ARGUING SITXMGDIGBNJSL

felix: “hey seungmin should i put this streamer here or???”

seungmin: “a bat would have better sense of decoration than you do - STOP STAPLING THE STREAMER THERE D O N T P U T I T T H E R E”

so uh needless to say you basically took care of everything

changbin wasn’t allowed near the cake and tbh he almost had a whole temper tantrum because His Mistake Hasn’t Been Forgotten yet

felix, being held back by woojin as he yells at binnie: “I PAID FOR THAT CAKE YOU D O U C H E”

(´｡• ω •｡`) it was going swell  (´｡• ω •｡`)  for sure  (´｡• ω •｡`)

luckily though woojin got them all to stop arguing in his own Very Peaceful way (read: “if you don’t stop arguing you’re all sleeping on the streets for the next WEEK”) and some work was Finally Being Done

it was almost 4:00 by the time y’all got the whole dorm decorated and Ready for hyunjin and chan to return

you, screaming from your hiding spot underneath a table: “IF Y’ALL DON’T GET YOUR ASSES HIDDEN I WILL NOT HESITATE IN STRANGLING YOU”

i mean,,,, it worked

you checked your phone just before you heard the doorknob turn - 4:00

it was Go Time  (⇀‸↼‶)

the door opened and you immediately hear hyunjin go: “am i gonna die????” and chan replying with: “yah we made some deals with a few demons to steal your soul it’s no biggie”

so of course, you took that as your Opportunity To Reveal Your Creation

felix apparently did too he kinda just wanted to make hyunjin cry of fear before he cried of happiness cause the lights flicked on

AND YOU ALL JUMPED UP FROM YOUR HIDING SPOTS AND STARTED Y E L L I N G

poor baby hyunjin almost had three (3) hecking heart attacks

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU H A G”

woojin, smacking the back of minho’s head: “happy birthday hyunjin!!!!!  (￣ω￣)/ “

minho, holding back tears of pain: “.( ̵˃﹏˂̵ ) happy birthday,,,,,,, hyunjin,,,,,,,,,”

and you, being like,,,,,, the most extra person in existence, had a confetti popper and popped it before running up and almost toppling hyunjin over from charge-hugging him

“happy birthday hyunjinnie!!!!! ♡♡+.ﾟ(￫ε￩*)ﾟ+.ﾟ“

if hyunjin wasn’t crying from the consecutive heart attacks he endured, he sure was crying from your hugging attack and the heart eyes you gave him once you looked up at him

hyunjin, tears welling in his eyes: “i LOVE you,,,,,,,,,,,,,”

correct celebration methods were underway after the Surprise, and,,,,,,, well,,,,,,,,,, it was a mess

but what did you expect literally everything with these 9 crackheads is a mess

changbin was this close (this || close) to taking out all his pent up rage on everyone because he STILL wasn’t allowed near the cake,,,,, chan had to hold him back,,,,, there was slight fear involved and you lowkey (read: highkey) feared for your life,,, 

SMALL PEOPLE ARE SCARY!!! THEY HOLD THE DEVIL’S ANGER WITHIN!!!!

felix wouldn’t,,,,, stop doing his fortnite dance while you all sang happy birthday and you could’ve curb stomped him at one point in time

but!!!!!! regardless of the Mess that hyunjin’s birthday celebration turned out to be, you thought it was successful!!! hyunjin couldn’t stop smiling that One Smile that pushes his eyes into small crescents and he was really just,,, Glowing!!!!

it took a good 2 hours for everyone to calm down from their Heroin High or Whatever They Were On so once it was Calm Enough, you and hyunjin just kinda became One With The Couch

you were both exhausted but the smile that still graced hyunjin’s features made your exhaustion worth it

so ya know, you cuddled yourself into hyunjin’s side, smiling softly when his arm automatically wrapped around your shoulders

this moment in time kinda made everything from the past year you’ve spent with hyunjin and skz as a whole flood your brain

all the hardships you watched them go through, everything that you tried to help them with, all the late nights you spent watching them practice,,,,

and with hyunjin, all the times you’d listen to him vent out his frustrations over the phone, the times you sat in silence with his head in your lap while you combed your finger through his hair,,,,, all the soft and sweet moments you two have shared together and all the times he made you feel like the only person he’d ever love

(it was true tho, you were the only person he’d ever love)

it all made you look up at hyunjin and just smooch his cheek,,,, and the rest of his face

he was laughing by the end of it, and your heart just went,,,,,, Doki Doki Doki

you planted a final kiss on his lips and looked at him

god, you’d never get tired of looking at him

“happy birthday, jinnie”

and the soft smile that replaced his larger one, with the stars trapped in his eyes as he stared back at you with so much love you thought you’d suffocate,,,,,,,,

really melted your heart

and what made it even better?

hyunjin planting a kiss on your temple before intertwining his hand with yours and saying, just above a whisper

“you made this the best birthday ever. thank you, (y/n). i love you.”

and you loved him back, more than he’d ever know.

[taesamorcito]

What’s your love story with your gf if you don’t mind me asking?

anon this is going to be long because i never get to tell the story or talk about my relationship since me and my gf aren’t out yet :( don’t worry i’ll add a tl;dr at the end in case you wanted the short version

so we met in uni, we shared a few classes at the end of 2015 but truly got to know each other during the second half 2016 because shared almost every class during that semester. She was really easy talk to and really friendly and funny and so smart so i was always asking for help in class :( we started hanging out more often and i saw her every day so i kind of started liking her but didn’t want to admit until she got a boyfriend and that felt :/// that happened in september/october idr, but i do remember i always got mad when she cancelled plans with me to be with him or like got really sad or uncomfortable would bring up the subject :( so by now i knew i liked her but just brushed off as a simple crush. 

Fast forward to summer 2017 january i came out to her while i was drunk lmao i sent her multiple texts saying that i was bi that i was sorry and if she didn’t want to be my friend i understood it and blah blah blah, i didnt tell her i had a crush on her tho!! she replied the next morning saying she was okay with it that i shouldn’t be apologizing and that it was really (tbh i was too embarassed to even read it so idk what else was there) i just told her “let’s forget abt this pls” and we did, we didn’t mention it ever again lmao So idk when but thing started to change when classes started in march again we didn’t have classes together so i didn’t see her a lot in uni but i visited her house quite often and things started to change . she was always very touchy but now she held my hand more often or if we were watching movies she would cuddle with me it was really nice, but it just fueled the crush i had :(( 

MAY 2017 her birthday came and she had a party obviously her bf was there :) this is where i knew that it was more than a crush because i remember that when i saw them kissing my heart really fucking hurt even though i was drunk, later that night he went home and i stayed over with other friends and for a few minutes we cuddled a bit while sleeping and that just felt so perfect :((( but it didnt last long because one friend was so drunk he wouldn’t shut up and we had to calm him down. so now i KNOW im in love with a straight girl with a bf

JUNE 2017 all the cuddling and hand holding and hugs and touchy acts were starting to get to me on one hand it felt nice and wonderful and perfect on the other she still had a bf and for me she was in love with him so :/// i was determined to put some distance between us so one saturday night my parents were out of town and i invited some high school friends over and got really really really drunk and i just texted her “hey im sorry but i need to stay away from you” or smth and she called because she wanted to know why or what had happened i couldn’t fucking talk to her, words literally wouldn’t come out of my mouth and all i could say was “you don’t realize?” (TALK ABT DRAMATIC) she got frustrated with me and said “i wanted to fix this but if that’s what you want ill give your space” MY DRUNK ASS THEN THOUGHT IT WAS A GREAT IDEA TO TELL HER THE REASON BEHIND AND JUST CONFESSED VIA TEXT it said smth like “i like you but i know you dont because you have a bf and that’s okay but i really need to forget abt you so i need space” she answered the next morning saying she was surprised but now understood better and she will give me the space i needed but if i promise i would go back to being her friend after, i was too embarassed and was kind of short with my answers and the whole thing ended up in bad terms that day

destiny was a fucking bitch because the next day and the following days i kept running into her at uni and it was so awkward  we both didnt know what to do :/ three days later she texted me if we could talk and i agreed and she cried bc she didn’t know what i expected her to do if i wanted her to ignored me completely or if a hi was okay and i just didnt know how to handle everything and at the end we agreed no contact or speaking but that lasted like a day because i thought everything over that night and realize that i was being a selfish idiot and that the situation was making everything worse because now i thought about her even more and just wasn’t working as i thought. we talked the next day and i asked her if we could forget abt everything and just act normally BUT BEFORE THAT AKSCLNAS i asked her to tell me that she’ll never see me like more than a friend and that she loved her bf she did and then we agreed to forget abt this

the following days were so awkward for me because i was so embarrased abt this whole fiasco but she didn’t let me avoid her lmao and well she was extra touchy now i remember that not long after we got back too being in good terms we took a cab to her house and during most of the ride she was hugging me or holding my hand she says it was bc she wanted everything to go back to normal.

JULY 2017 my favorite month sooooo she and her bf started having problems (i think this started months before but i was just finding out because of our mutual friend) and our cuddling and hand holding had increased a lot :( one night we were skyping and her mom comes in and she mentions smth abt her bf being in the past and i was just :O but didnt say anything until the next day and she confirmed it, she said the feelings just weren’t there and that she had tried to break it up much sooner but he asked for a second chance but at the end it wasn’t fair for either of them to continue so she ended it, i told her i was sorry to hear that and didnt really talk abt it that much, days passed and midterms started and i had trouble with this particular course so i asked her if i could sleep over her house and stay up studying she agreed and well KCLKCNANCANCM it was late like past midnight almost 1 am and i wasn’t getting any of the stuff she was tired so we kinid of said fuck it. she turned off the lights and i was just messing around with the music from her lap we both layed down and obviously she cuddled and i tried to distract myself changing the music  but i could feel her face really close like realllyyyyyy close so i turned my head and i could feel how close our lips were but i quickly turned back to looking at the laptop because i thought it was an accident but she didnt move and i turned my head again and i could see she was awake but didnt move away so i did lmao i was so fucking nervous and i turned again to see her reaction but this time she kissed me!!!! it was so soft and tender and just magical it was an undescrible feeling still one of my favorite moments ever :( after that she just smiled  and said “let’s sleep” so i closed the laptop and hug her and tried to sleep but i couldn’t because i didnt know what it meant or what she expected from me or if she even liked me dkascla next morning was cute too we were woken up by a noise and she just got closer to me and gave me a small peck on the lips and went back to sleep and i just died again and held her closer and went back to bed 

we talked abt it days later lmao midterms ended and there was a party and after it i slept over her house and just drunkly asked her if this was a game or just smth she was curious abt or why she had kissed me that day, she said she liked me :D and that this wasn’t a game and i told her ok let’s talk more when im not this drunk mvlmsnackjc we dated for months but we count as part of the relationship and  i finally asked her to be my gf in november 2017 after giving her a cd with all the songs i listenned since i knew i liked her aslcnscncl dumb i know but in that moment i thought it would be cute and i also gave her this necklace i used as a charm 

now she’s in this uni program that’s really good for her career but it involves her being in another continent for a year, she left in march 2018 but came to visit in august !!!! and still has a few days until she has to go back but will come for a few days for christmas and then she’ll be back in march for good nnckascnaskcnasnd  it’s hard but i love her and wouldn’t change any of it 

TL;DR we met in uni, i liked her, she had a bf, i confessed while drunk, she said it was okay but only saw me as a friend, broke up with her bf, kissed me and now we’ve been together for a year and 2 months

[ummmhellobam]

24 and clueless

Hello World

I think I just needed to vent or release some of this pent-up depression or angry that is literally weighing me down. So, this month, I turned 24. I should have been excited, but honestly, I am miserable. So first, things were going well, I got a new second job, was able to save money, and was able to buy myself some much needed me stuff. But I think, well I know, the misery came from the fact that I am 24 and I still live at home, am single (currently, I’ll detail more) and childless. I literally cannot get on Facebook or Instagram without someone posting that their having a baby or THEIR SECOND CHILD or getting engaged or married. It’s like did I miss out on how to have your life together class. I was in a relationship, sort of, well I was made to believe I was. There was this guy who I have known for 7 years and he isn’t really Mr. Perfect, but he was Mr. Charming and Confident. When we met, it wasn’t love at first sight. He had a girlfriend, I had a boyfriend, my best friend liked him, that whole teen rom-com drama. I eventually got to know him and there was just something about him that made me feel alive or at least how you feel when your high, so I’ve been told. Anyway, we did a thing, not sex, and things changed. He stopped being that guy who made me feel so amazing about myself and became the sleazy slime ball he is (still and current). But still I wanted him. I took every chance I could to be next to him, like saving him a seat in class or on the bus, trying to wear nice clothes, makeup, perfumes, so he would notice and compliment me. I mean anything, just for him to smile that big goofy smile that made my heart melt time and time again. We would have our moments, things I will not discuss, but they were are intimate hideouts and feelings that I knew we shared and was just not imaging, like our first kiss. Still to this day it was the best kiss I had ever had and all other kiss since have been compared to that moment. Eventually he graduated and I was left all alone. No one made me feel the way he did. I tried dating, but I just wasn’t into any of the other guys. He would text me from time to time. I loved those moments. But then I saw that he had moved on and then so I did the same. He texted me prom night, mentioning that he wishes he could have been my date. TBH I wanted him to be. He also mentioned wanting to be my first. Again, TBH I wanted that to. But we were just too far and on two different paths. So, came the time to graduate. I had a boyfriend who I lost my v card to, but tbh the whole time I was thinking of him. About how he would be gentle, he would probably take his time and we kiss and he would hold me and ask me if I was okay. He would have been a gentleman. Time flew by, I was in and out of relationships for the next three years, and he would always manage to pop up at the wrong time, always wanted to “talk” and then proceed to ask for nudes. It got old real fast. At one point, and I guess I was going through one of my many break ups and I was still living in the moment of when I thought I had a pregnancy scare and he said that I could come stay with him and he would take care of me. Yes, he really said that, how can I not fall head over heels for a guy like that. Well I told him how I felt, because I was tired of his talk then nude’s conversation and I just wanted him. So, I told him that I like him and he simply said I have a girlfriend. In that very instant, I felt my heart break. It was like some was literally tearing my heart in half and setting them on fire. I cried so hard, and it’s funny because my lousy ex at the time was trying to get back with me for the 100th time. So here I am crying over someone who only wanted nudes and having to deal with an asshole who had a picture of the girl he cheated on me with on his wall. If you can’t guess from reading this, my love life is straight fucked up, and that isn’t even the worse part, which I won’t get into now, maybe another time. Anyway, so another year passes, its summer 2016, I am finally free from the mess of my ex and haven’t heard from him in 2 years. I am sitting in my room, enjoy my independence, when I get a message. Like any person who get a message from an unknown number I do not know, I reply Who dis? He replied and my heart began to jump up and down, like it was trying to escape the loveless prison I sent it to. But my eyes nearly rolled out of my skull with disgusted and anger. We talk for a bit, you know the whole, how are you? What have you been up to? Etc. etc. etc. So, then he goes, can I tell you something? And I say sure of course be honest with me. And he was. He sent me this long text about how he missed me and missed our friendship and missed the way things used to be between us. He also mentioned that he was going off to the army because school just wasn’t gong how he wanted. I was in shook. I honestly did not know how to reply to such an emotional text. I replied that I too missed talking to him, that I was proud of him for doing something so courageous and brave and that he shouldn’t give up on school. I ALSO MENTIONED THAT WE SHOULD JUST WORK ON OUR FRIENDSHIP UNTIL HE GOT BACK, BECAUSE PEOPLE USUALLY MEET OTHER PEOPLE WHEN THEIR IN THE ARMED SERVICES AND THAT WOULD LEAVE ME HURT. I typed that like that because it is the very key to these upcoming life events. Anyway, he totally agrees with me, but he keeps saying that he wants me to be the girl that is waiting for him back home. And in my mind, that just sounds so wonderful and romantic and as someone who has devoted her life to rom-com, everything I could have wished for. Well-off he went, and then soon came letters. Letters from basic training that were so sweet, loving, and just so romantic. I used to take those letters everywhere. Those letters are what got me through long miserable shift and I just had to read them every night before bed and every morning when I woke up. He eventually got his phone back and then the letters stopped. It was okay because he would text me every chance he got and I would call and leave vm for him to listen to and then we had like apps where we would set dates for in the future for when he would come home. It was perfect, but then life. He eventually became more distant. I honestly don’t know what triggered it. Was is because I missed his graduation or was it because he was trying to work on things with his ex. Well the day came and then went when he would promise he would be home and then we could talk and just be a couple. He texted me days later and I was upset because I had my hopes et really high. Instead of apologizing, he left me on read, to which I sent a very long reply about him getting my hope up only for me to be left alone. He never replied back and time went on. I eventually throw away the letters and blamed myself for not being able to keep a man. I wrote out this long desperate letter about how I missed him and didn’t expect him to feel the same and I didn’t want him to feel sorry for me, that mainly I just wanted a friend. I sent it in March, the month he told me he would be deployed. He replied in April. I was at work when I got the message and then I nearly cried and screamed in front of a lot of people. He had sent this long message about being in Japan and how he was sorry how things went, he never meant to hurt me, and that he was trying to fix things with his ex and he shouldn’t have led me on if he knew that was going to happen. I was upset about the whole ex thing, but some stupid part of me read only the part about him being in love me with me and let that go to my head. So of course, he adds me back on Facebook and I am scrolling through his page when I see two things. 1. He is ENGAGED and 2. He came home in January. My blood was hot and my heart was like the titanic, just sinking down into a dark abyss. I literally just started at those two posts for hours before I impulsive messaged him about it, it being the engagement, not the fact that he was home and never came to see me, idk why I didn’t bring that up. Anyway, He was so confused and didn’t understand where I was coming from. I ended things once and for all. I told him that if he couldn’t see that I still had feelings, then we don’t need to be friends, because I will not be your sidepiece. I blocked him and didn’t hear from him until about June. He messaged me on snapchat, an app that literally just sat on my phone. He sent me a picture of all my letters that I had sent him. I didn’t know if I should have been impressed or upset. I went with upset. I sent a picture telling him that I moved on and he should do the same, that he should throw them away because I sent those letters to someone who I thought loved me. I didn’t reply back. I, being the weak and gullible person that I am, sent him another long text the next day, saying that I was sorry for coming off as a bitch and that I just think its best for us to not talk and just go our separate ways. He sends this jumbo, super long text, tell me how he is still in love with me, how his engagement was just a spur of the moment and he didn’t think it would last (turns out she was moving to el Paso) and other romantic and heart felt emotional confession that I had wanted from him. Well we talk and talked for hours and he even video chatted with me the next day and it was perfect. For a week, then the next week came and we got into one disagreement and one argument. He broke up with me, saying that he only wanted to be friends. How does someone go from I just want to be with you to let’s just be friends? Well I backed off and then again, He got my hopes up and then crushed them again, this time it was on my birthday. He was out clubbing, posting on snapchat some girl dancing on a pole and then goes on Facebook and says he is a in a relationship with some girl. My heart breaks and I just can’t take the whole, one minute he is calling me every Sunday telling me he loves me and he likes our weekly calls and then the next him and some white trash bitch are in a relationship??? Like what the fuck? So, I call him out on it with a long message bout how I feel and how it’s not fair how he keeps leading me on. At this point, we spent so much time not talking I was just becoming more and more depressed and I felt like I was back in a relationship with my miserable ex who would do the same thing of ignore me and then popping back up when it was convenient for him, And I told him that that was a deal breaker for me. Like I get we can’t talk every day, but somethings are better than nothing. He sends back that he is sorry that he never meant to make me feel this way, that he is not going to let me go without a fight and I guess to me that made it all better for the time. HE went back to ignoring me and at this point I was just numb. I didn’t want to upset or make him leave so I just bit my tongue and just stayed waiting by the phone. The holidays rolled around. He was extra affectionate and adorable. But when they were over so were we. I had enough of the ignoring and when I throw shade via snapchat he replied that he needed space and felt like I was forcing this relationship on him. At that point I just said okay and let him leave. A few days latter came the accident and it just seemed like my life was really in the shit hole now.  He texted to make sure was alright, and then again, a few days later asking if I still loved him. I said that if he had to ask then I guess I was shoeing you just how much I loved you or that you just didn’t care or want to see. I also asked if he wanted to be with me and he flat out said no. So, I took that no and just came moving with my life. That was Feb 2018, we didn’t talk for the rest of the month or any of march or the beginning of April. At one point, I got a notification that he was trying to message me on snapchat back in march, when I got off work, but he didn’t send anything. I remember saying I am so done with that loser. April was a weird month because he started messaging me again, but I would ignore them, then eventually I would reply no picture just a simple hello, then I send one picture and the flood gates swing wide open. He starts messaging me about work and other like stuff and then he mentions about an army ball and just idle chit chat. Then one night he tells me that he misses me. I tell him that he is okay, and then we fight and it ends with him asking me to marry him. I say yes because…. tbh I don’t know why I said yes, maybe because I loved him, maybe because of the fear of dying alone, maybe because I wanted what everyone else had, I don’t know. And from April 2018 to Aug 2018, then were going fine, we talk almost every day, usually it was just a good morning beautiful message but I just remembered to bite my tongue and be a good fiancé. Eventually came his birthday, I wanted to send him a long heart felt message, but I kept it short and sweet. Then for my birthday I get a message from him that just says happy birthday. I cried. Here I was on my 24th birthday cry over a man who has put me through so much hell. So, I just ignore, I tell my self at least he sent something. I got another message from him a week later. It was a picture of him with the caption baby with heart eye emojis. I ignored it because I didn’t want to be left on read for a whole week. When I finally replied he left me on read. So, I messaged him if we were good. His reply, “Yes? I guess? I should mention that someone from the past has come back and things are going well for us… I wanted to smash my phone into a million pieces. I reply so there is no place for me then. And tbh I wanted to say way worse. I honestly don’t know what kept me from not finding out the girl and sending her all our messages. He then replies that.” There is always room for you, things just happen, I’m sorry” My heart was done, I was done, I had no words left. So, I wrote a quick message about being tired of constantly giving into him and him not understand that when you love someone you don’t hurt them and that I was never talking to him ever again. I also screen shot all out conversations about him always saying he loves me and how he was the one that asked me to marry him after I clearly said we need time apart. Then once he says the message I deleted me snapchat, unfriend him on Facebook and deleted my twitter (twitter is were I would also see his profile and back in august, one of his “friends” complain about her job and goes, Its life babe)

 So here I am two weeks post 2 year break up, no more him for good this time. I just miss being someone’s significant other. I miss being in love. I miss him. Well this kind of helped I started this at 10:20pm and it is now 12:11am. Times flies okay until next time peace and love

[exquisite-yoongi]

EVERYTHING ABOUT YOONGI

This post is hella long but there is everything you should know or watch about Min Yoongi. You’ll find facts, best of fancams, unforgettable quotes & legendary lyrics.

FACTS 

• real name is Min Yoongi

• born 9 March 1993

• from Daegu 

• Suga is short for Shooting Guard (his position in basket)

• alias Min Suga alias Grandpa alias Agust D alias Motionless Min alias Turtle alias Sugar alias DBoy alias Min Suga Genius Jjang Jjang man Bboong Bboong 

• loves music 

• absolute lyrical genius

• raps faster than the speed of light. hella control over his voice (X)

• is ranked 11 as the fastest rapper on Korea & on top three as fastest ‘idol’ rapper

• plays the piano (X & X)

• amazing on stage : completely in his element

• released a mixtape under the name Agust D 

• his mixtape saved hip-hop. Saved lives. Saved the world goddamn Yoongi

• he produced his entire mixtape just by himself. Worked very hard on it every time he could (between schedule, in planes, along working for other musics for BTS)

• this masterpiece was released for free

• there is no imitation, no meaningless lyrics, no misogyny and no racial slurs on it

• his mixtape talks about him and his struggles

• was the happiest person in the world when he met Kumamom. It was way too adorable for this world to handle (X)

• very socially aware, he wants to use his fame to shift people’s attention to global problems 

• which he did with the campaign Love Yourself in 2017 

• when he got sick and was rushed to the hospital, he couldn’t assist a concert. During his vacation time, he went to the stadium by himself and wrote about it in the fancafe. He sat in the seats of the stadium and forced himself to imagine the fans’ emotions on the day that was supposed to be the concert. He then wrote a long apology. 

• works from 12 am to 6 am on music. even after a full day of training or concert preparation or filming etc. That’s why he sleeps whenever he gets the chance

• when BTS had to pack for their backpacking trip through Europe, he was the one that remembered to pack medicine and first aid supplies. he cleaned up before living the hotel room, helped cooking and was in charge of their budget

• wrote, composed, produced some of BTS songs (like Tomorrow, Never Mind, Dead Leaves, Boyz with Fun, ~) 

• participate in the making of almost every Bts song

• looks gorgeous in every hair colour 

• twice said he would sue Bighit if his hair started falling out haha

• gummy smile (X)

• laughs in 10 different ways

• in the song ’Moving On’ he dedicated his section to his Mom, who was sick after she gave birth to him

• he danced around the studio in the early hours of the morning when ’Never Mind’ was approved to be the intro of HYYH pt.2

• really like a lamb skewers. wants to open a lamb skewers restaurant with Jungkook (X)

• his only goal is to make music that gives people emotions or comfort

• the root of his passion goes back to when he started making music at the age of 13

• his dream was to perform at Olympic Gymnastics Arena. at the end of the concert, he looked for his parents and brother in the crowd. when he saw them he smiled and got on the floor to do a deep bow (the kind where your forehead touches the ground) and cried for the first time at a concert (X & X)

• at fansigns, fan get to write them a question “What’s more important? Face or body?” Is asked a lot and Yoongi is the only one that writes a third option “Personality” and circles it and write that it’s the most important. he does this every time the question comes up

• when asked for the ideal weight in a girl he writes a ridiculous number

• when asked what age difference he would date he wrote 81 years haha

• tells everyone to eat well and take care of themselves 

• loves his fans more than anything

• extremely open-minded person 

• in a recent interview in the US, he always specified boyfriend or girlfriend when asked about dating

• when he and Namjoon were being disrespected by Bfree during an interview, he stayed calm and handled the situation very well.

• then proceeded to drag the HELL OUT OF HIM in Cypher pt.2

• the S in Suga stands for Savage

• sarcasm is his second name

• relatable af

• the time he and Hoseok (J-hope) reacted to a try not to laugh challenge of themselves and Yoongi laughed so hard he choked

• his existence is art

• the thing he does when his members are doing embarrassing stuff he just curls up and covers his face

• on his first birthday after he debuted he spent his own money to make gifts for the fans and hand-wrote over 300 notes (each one different…!)

• took pictures of Jungkook at his graduation like he was a proud parent

• the time when he and Hoseok lost a game and didn’t get dinner, Jimin brought them a crab from their table and Yoongi let Hoseok have it “seeing my dongsaeng eat makes me feel full”

• he silently takes care of bangtan

• says his members are his closest friends

• says Bighit is like a family

• when Hoseok was celebrating New Years alone in the dorms, Yoongi left his family and showed up with chicken just so Hoseok wouldn’t have to spend new years by himself

• that time during a fanmeeting a fan asked him “My Yoongi vitamin. I like you so much that I can’t live properly, tell me how to solve this?” and he responded “Just totally give up on this life and just only look at me.” (X)

• that one time Yoongi got really passionate about coffee and said he needed 309 people to help him “catch” coffee

• the time he sang his heart out with Hoseok for “I was able to eat well” and sounded terrible

• the time they had a high note challenge and Yoongi sang so high that no noise came out (X)

• so extra all the time

• that time he had to introduced himself and pulled confetti out of his pocket and threw it over himself (X)

• but also unamused all the time

• he’s a paradox

• the way he’s scared of fireworks going off (X)

• easily put in place by Jin, but also ignores all of his jokes

• really good dancer

• he just works hard

• that time a member woke him up by accident and Yoongi swore on camera (X)

• literally a deadass person at the awards show until Namjoon was up next to perform and Yoongi couldn’t stop being hyped and looking for him (X)

• that time Min Yoongi fell off a chair and told us on Twitter and RM made fun of him and suggested we now call him “MinClumsy” or “MinButt” 

• #MinButt (#민덩방아) was then trending on Twitter

• RM proceeded to publish a picture where Yoongi shows his butt and put 2 bandages on him (X)

• says he’s not always the best at expressing himself verbally, but wants everyone to know he is always thankful

• said in an interview his life style was “sleep eat work” 

• proud father of Shooky, his BT21 character 

IMPORTANT OR LEGENDARY FANCAMS

• Airplane pt.2, Lotte Family Concert (180622) -> I need holy water (1:44)

• First Love, Wings Tour Final (171208) -> couldn’t finish singing because of his emotions

• Spring Day, MMA (171202) -> absolute god

• Come Back Home, SEO TAIJI 25th Concert Anniversary (170924) -> this whole concert was dope tbh

• Fire, MMA (161119) -> infires man

• Blood Sweat & Tears, Mnet MCountdown Comeback Stage (161027) -> bless the wind

• Fire, (160907) -> happy, cute, cocky and sexy all at once

• Baepsae, in Beijing (160723) -> tired but still oh boy damn. 

• Tomorrow, in Beijing (160723) -> sweating Yoongi

• I like it pt. 2, (160614) -> smiles everytime he hears the fans screaming because of their dance then acts sexy on purpose

• Dope, KBS Open Concert (160315) -> this boy has no chill god dammit

• I Need U + Run, MBC (151231) -> Yoongi playing the piano

• I Need U, (151106) -> looks so good 

• Boyz With Fun, (151028) -> Suga having fun + smile smile smile + looks so fine 

• Cypher pt. 2 & 3, All Force One (150920) -> if you don’t know about this you’re missing on something big. 

LEGENDARY LYRICS 

• “A to the G to the U to the STD” - Agust D

• “My seat is business, yours is economy, forever behind me kissing my ass” - Agust D

• “Min Yoongi is already dead (I killed him)” - The Last

• “A word said like habit, oh, I don’t give a shit, I don’t give a fuck, those words are all words I use to hide my weak self” - The Last

• “This world sprinkled with my creations, I’ve tasted sweetness and bitterness and even shit, from that time I tried to sleep on the floor of a bathroom, now it’s a memory to me” - The Last

• “Dream, rather than humble, at the end we’ll be prosperous” - So Far Away

• “A brown piano settled on one side” - First Love 

• “It’s not easy but I say to myself, If you think you’re going to crash, step on the pedal harder” - Never Mind

• “Bultaoreune” - Fire

• “Yes, look down on me like that. It’s my hobby to prove you wrong” - We On

• “If I’m the sun you’re the moon, because when I rise, you go down.” - Cypher pt. 2 : Triptych

• “I’m a starfish that eats and grows on your jealousy and envy, As you know, my voice will turn you on, Whether it’s a guy or girl, my tongue will make you come" - Cypher pt.3 

• “Mic mic bungee” - MIC Drop

• “I’m a D-boy yeah I’m a D-boy” - Ma City 

UNFORGETTABLE QUOTES

• “love yourself love myself peace” - MMA (171202)

• "Min Suga. Genius. Those two words should be enough"

•  “I want to reincarnated and be a rock in my next life”

• “I’m father Louis Williams Suga Adams the Third”

• “I’m good at doing ugly stuff”

• “I’d like to introduce you to my lover… this neckpillow”

• “I’ve always wanted to nap in a different country”

Inspired by x 

OTHER MEMBERS : Jin / Hoseok / Namjoon / Jimin / Taehyung / Jungkook 

[thedappleddragon]

haha here we go again

there's a lot of dumb ranting and 3 days worth of logs and a dream in here so im gonna spare evryone’s dashboard and just put it all under the cut.

tw bad memories, talk of unhealthy relations with food, and dreams about dead animals

I realized I kind of entirely forgot to write about what I did yesterday? I kind of did a lot. I know my mom wanted to work on getting tile laid out in front of her bathroom, so we worked together to scrub the concrete and wipe up all the dirt and dust and whatever was under the carpet and remove some of the nails in the floor and bring up a spiky metal strip between the bathroom door and where the carpet was. The other main thing I remember is deciding to continue work on my dress, sewing up the outer bodice, checking that the bodice and lining would fit together, deciding I’d rather have no different colored front panel, and working on the circle skirt. At first I tried cutting the fabric on my bed, but it wasn’t big enough and too lumpy. I contemplated asking my friends if I could borrow their dining table, but I ended up clearing off my own. After I traced and was in the middle of pinning, I accidentally knocked over a glass bowl that I had set on the chair. My mom heard it from the other room and had me come to her room to tell her what it was. She got angry at me, which I thought was fuckin stupid if it was an accident, but after some reflection while cleaning up the glass pieces, I kind of understood why. Mostly I got a little upset about 2 ceramic pieces I made during school breaking a little from the drop. One was a mushroom house from middle school that always makes me remember feeling like an asshole during peer review when I told my person to smooth their project more because I didn’t know “no improvement needed” was an option until I got back to my desk and saw my person saying it was good in all categories because everyone thought my project was great for some reason. The other was a bunch of flowers on a circle. It was the last project we did before quarantine hit, I think. That one is in less tough shape, just a couple flowers knocked off and a chip on one of them. They can both be glued back together, I guess. Then my mom called me back into her room to listen to her talk about wanting to eat huge amounts of food, because she’s clinically depressed with BPD and PTSD and DID and several other acronyms and her favorite coping mechanism is food, but her doctor put her on a diet so she can get her knees replaced, but recently she’s been getting into a zone where she talks about wanting to eat entire cakes and pizzas and buckets of kfc and a gallon of queso or whatever the fuck and she goes “doesn’t that sound GOOD?” And I have to laugh along and say “haha no that sounds bad actually” and get her a piece of ham or something. And every time she goes on her spiel the only thing I can think of is the greedy from the raggedy Ann and Andy musical. It’s just this horrible undulating orange blob that eats everything in sight and seeing it for the first time just made me think of mom and it made me very uncomfortable, with all the orange goo and hurling noises. Also reminds me of this horrible video game boss fight where it’s the apocalypse and a fat lady on a scooter took over the buffet and eats so much during her boss fight, during the defeat cutscene she projectile vomits everywhere and dies. My brother Greg showed me that thinking it was funny. I hated it, and I still do. He showed me a lot of things he thought were funny as a shitty little kid, and I remember several of them being very upsetting. It’s ok. I don’t want to dwell on it. But after cleaning the glass and talking to mom I brought my fabric to my room and called it a night. Oh wait my dad also helped me with some paperwork my coworker handed me so I could get on the payroll.

Today I woke up differently than I have in a long time. I set an alarm for 10 am so I could be at work by 11, but I woke up at 9 from a heavy sleep with dreams about hanging out with my friend in my room, worrying about my dirty house. I wanted to sleep longer, so I got up at 10 to have breakfast and get ready. I spent my shift changing the price tags all around the store, making everything more expensive. I’m gonna work again on Tuesday where I’ll learn how to use the register. I hope I don’t fuk it up, but I have a couple days to relax until then. Maybe I’ll work on my dress. My friends all want to go to prom together, so my new deadline will be March 2nd or a little before. I still need to buy a ticket, but I don’t have access to the link to buy one :( bleh I’m too tired right now to worry about this shit. I only worked 4 hours again today, but after I got home I felt like I could have worked longer if they gave me something else to do. The only price tags left to change were a bunch of grills and stuff I don’t know about but I don’t know if they had any other work for my to do. But I’m glad I went home tho because I was hungry and my feet hurt from standing lol. I did laundry and made myself dinner and washed my hair and drew a little bit and made the table and tbh the pacing of today has been so weird I don’t remember everything. It’s only 1am but I think I’m just gonna go to bed. my friends started talking about going to prom, and I really want to join them, but I can't figure out where/how to buy a ticket. my brain started being really mean to me, syaing that I was being annoying and pushy and that they didnt want me at prom for some reason, so I low-key almost made myself cry until my friend offered to let me be their platonic date since their partner couldn't go. 

last night I had a dream about a hard video game where when you played it, the black shadow enemies would fight you in real life, and one of them left imprints on my arm in the shape of lego bricks. they could only attack you so long as you played the game, and they tried to capture people and you were supposed to save them. I decided it was my time to play, and I walked into my garage that had turned into a cave with bat-people fused into the wall. I paid them no mind as I rescued a girl who was my irl brother, grabbing her hand and pulling her into another versoin of my garage which was uncorrupted and normal looking. she thanked me, and I said it was no problem. then I tricked her, telling her not to trust so easily, as I became one of the shadow enemies and engulfed her in a black sack, trapping her and leaving the room. I came back a couple minutes later, letting him free (now my brain told me he was my brother) telling him I just wanted to know if I was capable of tricking him, and didnt actually want to kill him or whatever.  another big chunk of my dream was taken up by me, my sister, and my dad visiting a run down petting zoo/gamestop. the petting zoo barn was very dark with low ceilings with lots of rabbits and pigs and hay. one of us accidentally killed either a pig or a tiger right next to the exit door, and I had to slink around the gamester trying to distract the owner and keep him from going in the barn and escaping at the same time. I dont remember how it ended, other than me waking up with a sore throat from breathing so deeply through my nose. I had slept on my stomach wit my pillow in my face so I could hardly breathe, and even after I woke up I felt like I wasnt getting enough air. I HATE that feeling, I always felt like I was suffocating in middle school for some reason. I thinkk somethings wrong with my airway but im not gonna do anything about it. im gonna continue to spend 80% of my day laying down so my resting heart rate and breathing speed is slower than an goddamn sloth. whatever.

right now as im laying in bed typing this I feel utterly unpoductive but I KNOW I did SOME shit today. but yeah mostly I relaxed. I worked on my dress, removing and replacing the blue front panel. I lost my exacto knife somewhere so I went to dollar tree to get a knockoff, along with snacks for mom and my sister. the blades aren't as sharp as exacto, but I still know where the name brands blades are so maybe Ill try and see if they're compatible. when I open the package everything was oily and gross, so I washed everything off with soap and water before I used them to cut the threads of the panel seams. I could have used my seam ripper but I wanted to get a replacement craft knife anyway. its kinda neat that it came with 6 different shaped blades for different crafts :) but uhh I also cut out the other half of the circle skirt of the dress, and I have a bunch of extra fabric left over. probably enough to make a whole other bodess if I wanted too. I used my sewing machine to attach the new front panel, and I was hoping to get more sewing done tonight, but when I asked my sister if it was ok for me to use my sewing machine (it right next to the wall between our rooms so she can hear it from there) she said she was going to bed soon so I just attatched the front panel and called it a night. so that kinda sucked. I still have another day tomorrow before I have to work again, and I can still work on my dress on Tuesday after work. idk why my brain thinks that one 4 hour shift is gonna take up my entire day lmao. I just have to get the whole thing done by may 2nd. GOD that reminds me, im gonna be so busy next month. I have six events back to back happening like every other day, plus work. oof. I'll have to let my boss know, but idk If that's gonna make him mad. I've already got pretty comfortable with the lady in charge of the garden center who’s taken lead position while the manager is on vacation, but I dont think I;ll every understand my boss. he’s a sarcastic busy old man and NOT AT ALL approachable. whatever. really the only other tings I did today were drink a shit ton of water play harvest moon, spend too much time on tiktok, and sraw a couple dum things for my friends’ princess au. I fucking HATE the drawing I did for Anna, so I designed her a secondary outfit more inspired by sky pirate bohemian vibes, since she rules over the floating islands. idk if I'll replace her old outfit with the new one in the lineup or just re-draw her old one with better shapes and composition and match the style better or what. I just need it changed eventually becasuse it looks like ass. tbh now that ve taken a little bit of time away from the princess au, there are a couple designs im not 100% satisfied with. but I know that if I go back and make them more detailed or whatever the’ll be more of a hassle to draw and aslkdfhalksdf I dont know anymore. I'm still tied up about color pallets and trying to give everyone a distinct color, and im a little upset it doesn't quite work, and FUCK dude the edgy one’s lore and character are weird and I kind of want to revise it to make it a little nicer but its not my character and I need to stop shoving my dirty little mitts into everyone’s ocs and AHAGHRGHGARGHHG idk man. her power is necromancy and she has a skeleton army, which I think I kinda cool, but I also think it would be neat if her powers extended beyond just that to communing with the dead, helping them find rest, and THEN maybe it can branch into helping fallen soldiers fight again to help them with unfinished buisness. and then if she goes feral and starts abusing her powers, she ignores all the communication and concent with the dead and instead magically rips them from thr ground to do her bidding and they’re uncontrollable and violent and aimless, just like her mind slipping from the magical blight infecting her. idk man we’re till working on a lot of lore. her concept could be SO COOL with just that little bit of extra thought, but so far it’s just MY POWER IS DEATH IM SO EDGY. ugh I know its fuckin rude to bash your friends oc ideas and I might be too overbearing and controlling of this au but dammit im tired and im mean sometimes and my ego is through the goddamn roof and im so sexy and im always right and my meat is huge. ah shit I rpomised my friend I would help her with character design for the dead king but I was busy when she firat asked me and now im not busy but im not doing it ugh. im just frustrated right now because I spent wayyyy to fuckin long just laying in bed watching tikotks and youtube and playing harvest moon an doing jack shit all day. but hey at least I attempted to get a new social security card again today. and them promptly gave up when they said my adress was invalid. again. I feel like im in an uncomfortable medium between having no plans and worrying about the future and having too many plans all the time oh my god. ive been so focused on getting a job and then having a job and making this dress I completely forgot about college shit. thankfully there's no hard deadlines coming up that I haven't already finished. whatever I dont really want to worry about all this hit right now, im just gonna take it one day at a time. (haha it feels like my angel oc just stepped in. how nice of him :) )

[myheartsoarsforyou]

The gay asks, as many as you feel like doing. Starting at 1 stop when you feel like it

Oh, you don’t know what you’ve signed up for. I’ll put it under a readmore, lol. 

Just to note: Probably going to do most, if not all of them, so there you go. :)

how tall are you? 5′6″

what is your body type? Chubby, but curves are still there.

what is your favorite part about your body? Ehh, I don’t really like any part. My eyes, I guess?

is your current hair color your natural hair color? For now, but as soon as I’m able to get to my salon I’m dyeing it

are you more outgoing or more shy? Depends on the setting but for the most part definitely shy

are you more femme or butch? Femme I guess? I dunno, I’d argue probably somewhere in-between but leaning towards femme. 

are you tol or smol? Height wise? I guess kinda tol? Iunno I don’t think I’m either but hey! lol

wine mom or vodka aunt? Vodka aunt, but I don’t drink much anymore.

weird habit? Uhh idk?

favorite meme? Don’t talk me i angy

do you sing in the shower? Oh yes, especially if I have music going lol

ever used a bow and arrow? Not yet!

are/were you a theatre kid? Nope, 

have you ever seen a broadway musical? Not in person? 

do you think musicals are cheesy? Probably but that’s half the fun.

have you ever been a part of a protest or a march? I wish, especially right now, but I would probably break down around that many people. I support as much as I can.

favorite Cards Against Humanity Card? I don’t think I have a favorite?

last movie you watched? Silent Hill: Revelations

behind the camera or in front of it? Behind, 100%. I hate having my picture taken. i’ll make exceptions, but. 

favorite tv show? Mmmh... it used to be Supernatural but I don’t really watch TV. Maybe ATLA? I’m rewatching/finishing that sporadically.

meaning behind your url He makes my heart soar higher than ever.

reason you joined tumblr A looong time ago, because of SPN. 

who’s your closest tumblr friend? I don’t really talk to people on tumblr ?? I’m just kinda... here

what’s something most people love that you hate? Iunno o.o

have you ever taken narcotics? Technically yes I have

have you had sex? Mhmm

have you ever gotten caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? Err, yeah. I got caught with a ‘friend’ of mine when I was younger. Woops.

worst/funniest lie you’ve ever told? I don’t remember any? I don’t know. 

describe your passion without mentioning it. Escape, building something completely new with friends, making friends within a universe you help shape, seeing and doing more fantastiscal things than could be done in real life. 

describe your best friend. I have two people I consider best friends. An artist, an activist, passionate about her work, heartfelt and exciteable. Another artist, unsure of his work but talented none the less, overly critical of himself. 

give us one thing about you that no one knows. I don’t think there’s much if anything that my bf doesn’t know about me?

how do you feel right now? my tummy hurts

what is your biggest fear? Losing him. 

what’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? Love Me - NU’EST

what is the best decision you’ve made in your life so far? Definitely sticking it out and staying close to my bf before we got together and persuing things when the opportunity arose. 

have you ever tried your hardest and then been disappointed in the end? Very often in my life rn tbh

something you fantasize about. Living with my love in a 3 bedroom house with our little domestic zoo and being happy. 

last time you cried and why Saturday, multiple times. It was a rough day and was thinking a lot about my cousin (long story short he’s no longer around)

what was the last thing that made you laugh? Probably my boyfriend. 

do you really, truly miss someone right now? I miss my bf because I haven’t seen him irl in two years and it kills me. 

who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? Bf

the last time you felt broken? Saturday again because of the aforementioned. 

are you starting to realize anything? That I will put up with a lot if I feel like I have to to see him. 

are you more dominant or more submissive? Definitely submissive, but I have my moments. 

i’ll only date you if _____. (fill in the blank) Mmm, I don’t really have strict qualifications. Treat me well, tell me if something’s up, and just love me. But I have that right now, so I guess the strict qualification is if he agrees & We’re good to be a polycule. 

do you prefer to date people the same age as you, younger, or older? I used to say strictly older, but honestly AS LONG AS it’s legal and moral either or. Bf’s two years younger than me and more mature than anyone older than me that I’ve been with so lol. 

describe the person you’re in love with/have a crush on in great detail. My height, great eyes, gorgeous to me, dyed-red hair, avid gamer, tattoo enthusiast. He’s passionate regardless of how he sees it, and he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I love every part of him and I will even if things change. 

do you have any kinks? Many. Lol. 

first thing you notice in a person? Depends, sometimes eyes, sometimes voice, sometimes approachability lol.

how can someone win your heart? You’d have to ask my bf

been rejected by a crush? Yep! 

have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back? Oh yes lol

would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? Actual texts? No. But if discord messages count - yes. lol

is trust a big issue for you? Yes

did you hang out with the person you like recently? Yes

is confidence cute? It can be, but there’s a fine line between it and arrogance. 

what would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? It depends entirely on the situation. Did we agree on a romantic/sexual third? Sure. If not I’d probably be pretty upset. 

would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? Probably not. 

does the person you have feelings for right now know you do? I should DEFINITELY hope so lmao

ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? I’ve been in high school. 

do you want to get married I do, though I never thought I’d be able to say that

worst thing you’ve ever done? Probably cheating on someone I cared about with someone I should’ve never involved myself with. 

three things that turn you on. Biting, neck kisses, making out. 

who do you hate? Eh, my boss rn.

favorite term of endearment? My bf calls me kitten c: 

who was your celebrity/fictional gay awakening? Probably Willow from Buffy the Vampire Slayer 

intimidating girls or kind girls? Why not both?

what do you look for in a possible partner? If we’d work well together lol, it all depends. 

do you tend to like more masculine, feminine, or androgynous girls? Err, a little of all? I tend to go for masc in general, but I am definitely interested in all of the above. 

are you good at flirting? Not...really lol

who was the first person you came out to? My bestie

do you have any friends who are wlw? Yep!

is your crush wlw? See, this is complicated. Technically at the moment no, but there has been gender questioning in the past and it’s possible that at some point in the future yes. 

last person to make you reconsider your sexuality? That’s been a long time ago lmao, I’ve been pretty confident I am Super Queer for a long while. 

write a short love poem to your crush/self? I am not good at these and very tired so I’m gonna pass on this one

do you fall in love easily? I used to, but not anymore. Mainly cause I’m still very deeply in love with the person I think is my soul mate. 

is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about? Yerp.

are you good at hiding your feelings? Not really no

are you a forgiving person? I can be. Bf thinks I am too forgiving. 

what is your “type?” Uhh, it depends? And fluctuates? lol

fall asleep in her arms or rub her back until she falls asleep in yours? Both.

tall girls or short girls? Both, though prob tall more often than not.

hugs or kisses? Kisses

twirl her around or get twirled? Twiiiirl. 

tummy kisses or thigh kisses? Thigh

hairline kisses or neck kisses? Neck

play with her hair or stroke her tummy? I have Two Hands

making out or soft kisses? Both, but I Really Like making out

hugs around the neck or hugs around the waist? Neck, but also both. 

how confident are you in your sexuality? 100%

when you like someone do you blush or get butterflies in your stomach? Yes, a lot lol

have you ever liked a friend as more than a friend? did you tell them? I would not be with my bf if this wasn’t the case. 

how old were you when you realized you were into girls? I think I was 13? 

most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of a cute girl? Uhhh... I don’t really remember lol

do you have a favorite lesbian ship? is it canon? Yes! But it ended not great so :(

what is the most aggravating thing someone has said to you about your sexuality? I really hate when people say I should identify in a certain way because it’s a “slur” the whole point of reclaiming things is to take the ammunition out of it. And a lot of words have been slurs in the past that seem to be fully acceptable. 

when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter? I don’t really remember. 

what is love to you? It can change but at its heart it makes you feel warm and soft, and makes you feel a little bit better about the bad things in life. 

[ahnminhyk]

okay, so i have a lot of thoughts about william magnusson, as most of you are very well aware, and while i have been somewhat dormant on the subject of his character due to the unfortunate circumstances of him not being on skam anymore, recent events have led me to feel a need to flesh out my thoughts on his character and what i think people don’t seem to get about him, reducing him to a fuckboy and an asshole when really, his character is so much more complex than that.

i’m gonna put this under read more so as not to clog anyone’s dash, but i really want people to read this and try and understand this character better, so feel free to add onto this if you’d like or think i missed something

(disclaimer: this post isn’t meant to excuse or defend whatever mistakes he’s done. he’s done shit. they all have. it happens sometimes)

let’s start with his childhood and upbringing, shall we? so obviously we know that it wasn’t all that easy, though it could’ve been worse ofc. the most prominent point here has to be the accident that killed his sister. now, nico was 11 when he drove his stepdad’s car off a cliff with william and amalie in it. she was around 8 y/o if i’m not mistaken, that would make william about 9/10-ish. can you imagine what that must’ve been like? it’s really not that farfetched to assume that he has some degree of ptsd, survivor’s guilt or something similar. and even if he doesn’t, he could’ve died as well. at the hands of his brother. true, he was 11 at the time, just a kid, didn’t really know the magnitude of what he was doing. but we also see what kind of hold nico has over william. william knows what his brother is capable of. he knows what he can do. that makes him extremely vulnerable to nico’s exploits.

let’s also not forget his parents. not exactly stellar figures. that is one of the main things he has in common with noora and probably something that made him feel connected to her: he wasn’t the only one whose parents didn’t really want him. i’m not saying that it’s healthy or whatever, latching onto someone for that, but it’s perfectly possible and understandable. and the first thing that he tells her when he learns about her parents is that he can’t imagine anyone not loving her. now, i can imagine that he would’ve needed to hear that about him, too. bc really, who ever really loved him? his brother was manipulative and erratic; his mom pretended nothing was wrong and popped pills to help forget it was; his dad was off in london working all the time without a second thought about his son; his sister was dead. the only people i can think of that might’ve made him feel slightly wanted are the penetrators, but it’s not the same, is it?

anyway, this brings me to a point most william haters have been bringing up recently and that is that william shut noora out when he found out about her and nico. let me ask you something now: do you really think that his brother, the person who’s made his life hell since he can remember, who is manipulative and knows how to make people see what he wants them to see -- the same person who made noora believe he was off fucking some other girl while she was trying to figure out where she stood on their relationship -- would tell william that he might’ve raped his girlfriend? really??? i mean, just as he made noora believe william didn’t care about her, he probably made william think the same about her. we know he has abandonment issues. we know that he’s constantly afraid of the people he loves leaving. i speak from experience, it really wouldn’t be that hard convincing him of it. am i saying this is right or healthy? no, it isn’t. but it’s real. and in many ways, william is probably one of the realest characters on this show. he’s complex, he has problems. god forbid he feels insecure after a lifetime of never being wanted.

one of the things that never ceases to amaze me is how people say he’s abusive to noora. how? when? i can’t remember one single instance when he was ever abusive to noora. honestly, do you really think that sana of all people would support and urge noora to save her relationship with him if he was abusive? i mean, really. william loves noora so much. he respected her wish to keep their relationship a secret. he respected her decision not to have sex. he respected her when she asked him for space (and don’t say he pushed her when they were separated bc i KNOW you’d feel the exact same if you were in his shoes and the girl you love shuts you out). 

another thing i wanna bring up is that scene in 2x10 when william helps noora through her panic attack. i’ve mentioned it before but i’ll talk about it again bc to me, it’s one of the most real, raw scenes on the show and, when properly analysed, tells us so much about william as a person. so noora is having a panic attack, she feels smothered by the pressure of everything in her life at the moment. in comes william, and at first he thinks that the reason why she’s shutting him out is because she doesn’t want to be with him at all anymore (hello, abandonment issues again). but as soon as it becomes evident that that’s not it, he lets go of all his own insecurities and problems for a while to help her through it. now, imagine for a second this: william himself, growing up, alone and unloved, after the death of his sister which he was there for and saw happen, going through his own panic attacks. alone. with no one to help him. it’s not that farfetched to imagine. i mean, after everything that’s happened to him, it’d be weird not to have some sort of mental consequence (i mentioned the possible ptsd, but we have no evidence of that, so i’ll leave it to headcanon terf). he knows what to do bc it’s what he needed someone to do for him. he tells her that she doesn’t have to do anything she doesn’t want to do. he holds her and promises her it’s gonna be okay, that she isn’t going to die. she falls asleep and he lets her sleep. he finishes her essay for her. he does everything he knows he can to help her feel more at ease. now, he doesn’t know all of what’s bothering her, but he doesn’t push for information. and when she wakes up, instead of letting her stay in and sulk, he urges her to go to her friends who he knows make her happy and can help her through whatever she’s going through. this is william in a completely selfless moment. he knows what she needs bc it’s what he needed, too. 

(this gets its own bullet point bc holy hell) when people say he manipulated her into going on a date with him i literally lose my shit. i mean, did we watch the same show? noora used his clear attraction to her to make him do something she wanted, and promised him a date in return. honestly, it’s really not even that strange a thing. he delivered on his end. and he didn’t ask her to be his girlfriend. he didn’t ask her to fall madly in love with him on the spot. no, he asked her for one date. ONE. and after that, he wouldn’t bother her again if that’s what she wanted. and in regards to the whole using vilde thing, that’s a mess tbh and it was fucked up and i’m not saying it’s right. but i mean, the “deal” happened in december (s1 finale). s2 starts in march or smth and she still hasn’t gone on that date. now, don’t tell me that she wasn’t interested bc if you still think that then you didn’t watch the same show i did. i mean, that look across the room? that’s not a look you give someone you’re not attracted to or dislike. at the very least, noora was mildly intrigued by william. and no one can tell me that if she had outright said she didn’t wanna go on a date with him seriously, he wouldn’t have backed off. which means (this is pure headcanon territory, but i’ll maintain it to my deathbed) that she kept him going, she let him hang onto that date until she was ready to do it. and ofc, he was getting tired of waiting; wouldn’t you? so he tried to force her hand. and that moment, she could’ve shut him down. he’d go on with his partying life, she’d go on with hers, end of story. she could’ve said ‘no, i won’t go on a date with you, stop trying to make me’. and another thing, you can’t tell me that noora, self proclaimed feminist who’d roasted his ass before, wouldn’t have put him in his place if she thought he was manipulating her or her friends. now that would be ooc (since some haters are so fond of saying noora being in love with william is so ooc for her)

now, i wanna talk about this whole london mess. first of all, what kind of a fucked resolution to this glued-together-with-spit plotline. mind you, i get why they had to do something bc of the whole thomas issue, but come on. anyway, let’s get into that for a second. noora went to oslo to testify against nico, but she couldn’t do it. understandable, nothing against her, i totally get it. but when she got back to london, she lied and said that everything went well at the trial. i get that she didn’t want to disappoint him or whatever (??) but you can’t come here and tell me that if she had told him the truth right away he wouldn’t have understood. i will refer you back to my first two points. william knows the kind of impact and influence nico can exercise on someone. he’s been dealing with this guy for twenty years, he knows. he would’ve supported noora in her inability to face him and testify. he WOULD. nothing can convince me otherwise. even noora says that when he found out the truth, he understood why she couldn’t, and i believe it. i believe that what upset him was the fact that she felt like she needed to lie to him about it. that she lied to him about the very real (and then realised) possibility of nico walking free. i mean, this is his kryptonite. his brother is his weakest spot. his biggest vulnerability. of course he’s gonna be upset about it. i would be too if i were in his position. so would everyone else, no doubt. i mean, is it really that hard to get his side? 

so he needed some distance, some time to process. just like noora did after he smashed that bottle on the guy’s head. he’d given it to her then, he expected her to do the same for him now. he understood that she’d been upset then, so he expected her to understand him now. he didn’t ask for space, but he clearly needed it. again, i speak as someone who has the exact same coping mechanism, sometimes you need to distance yourself from the people who hurt you or upset you. noora upset william by lying, not by not being able to testify. i mean, come on. but she couldn’t understand that he needed time and space to process, so she left. without a word. just left. now, let’s go back to william’s abandonment issues for a second. his dad left to work. he lost his sister when he was as kid. his mother left and remarried, got a new family. he’s been mostly alone all his life. he latched onto noora because he loved her and she loved him back, and he needed that. he’d made it somewhat evident before that he was so afraid of her leaving him out of the blue. and now she has. can you imagine how much that must’ve hurt? imagine coming home one night, expecting to find the girl you love, slowly coming to terms with something that rattled you greatly, and finding her gone, just like that? idk about y’all, but i would just be devastated. his biggest fear came true, and he must’ve just been beating himself up thinking he’d been a fool to think it wasn’t gonna happen this time.

and now we’re here. noora hasn’t even reached out to him for months. i’m sorry, but is it crazy to think that maybe william hasn’t reached out bc he thinks she doesn’t want anything to do with him anymore, bc he thinks that she left never to come back, that she doesn’t love him anymore? no, it isn’t. if it were me, i definitely wouldn’t even think about reaching out first. and we know that william isn’t the most open of people. he has walls up, walls that he tore down brick by brick for noora, and now they’re back up again. but you bet your ass he’s still in london thinking about her, loving her, thinking she doesn’t love him back. honestly, this is such a messed up situation and they’re both just a mess at communicating. it’s not the first time we’ve seen this kind of miscommunication with them or on skam in general.

there are probably a lot more things to be said, but this is all i can think of right now. again, feel free to add to this if you’d like. the point is, william is not some monstrous person who manipulates people and is a complete asshole just for the hell of it. he’s complex, he has problems just like every other character on the show, he was a teenager and he’s human. please, for the love of god, stop crucifying him for having emotions and feeling hurt or upset and dealing. make an effort to understand him, bc he’s such an interesting character tbh and i honestly feel really sad whenever i see people reducing him to his mistakes.

[songofsaraneth]

WHEPHEW what a busy weekend. journal-blogging it up bc it was a Good one and i wanna remember it

friday after work started with the birthday party for the town multicultural center!! one of my housemates plays in a marching/brass band and they performed at it, everyone drank free margaritas and had chips/salsa/cupcakes, and then we tried to play a pretty unsucessful game of 4-square with some children and made me realize what a difference height makes in that sport (we had to play in like, Ultra Squat position to be on the same level as the kids, so basically Leg Day).

friday night was ALSO the first Bike Party of the year, where everyone puts on costumes for that month’s theme (this one was “safari”), meet up behind the bike shop and the guy with the solar powered speakers on a bike trailer starts playing a bunch of music, and then we bike up and down main st and wave to the tourists and then have a roving dance party around town. usually in the culverts below the roads, under the highway bridge north of town, or along the bike path past the campgrounds (sometimes picking up extra people from the campsites who feel like partyin). generally you get to an area, dance for 30-45minutes, then bike to the next, dance more, etc. VERY EXERCISE I always forget how tiring it is ;_; but this is the last time it’ll be on a friday for a while cause Tourist Season, so it’s probably the last one me and all my housemates could get to together. we wore our matching zebra onesies (that we got for our blanket fort house party back in february) and there were two other zebras also in attendance. another friend dressed up as “the jungle” and i’m jealous I didn’t think of that first. it was VERY COLD THOUGH like FUCK it snowed for twenty whole minutes in the morning. luckily the onesie is  pretty warm. but we didn’t bike home till about midnight and i was So Sore the next day

saturday!! i was lazy and slept forever which was Excellent and then in the afternoon, met up with another mermaid visiting from Salt Lake with her family! i met up with her at her hotel and we swam in the pool for like 40 minutes before Noping out because it was cold and just sitting in the hot tub to chat instead lol. it was fun though! i’ve never met up with another mermaid for swimming before (the other time i tried we were rained out, but went to the aquarium instead, which was also super awesome) so that was neat! she had a Kariel sequin tail, which i’ve never seen up close before (40,000 sequins!!!!!), so that was cool. 

after that i went to a friends bday party! which started out totally normal (chatting, lots of food, his dad was in town so talked to him a bit), then did a pinata (did u know adults trying to smack a pinata is even more hilarious than than when children do it), then chatted a bit more and at like 10pm people started dancin. except three dudes were sort of alternating selecting songs were like, trying to make the styles as opposing as possible (hardcore rap followed by slow lyrical ballad followed by bouncy disney) and it became kind of a competition to... keep dancing anyway??? no matter how weird the songs got?? culminating in a swaying Hug Circle to My Heart Will Go On, squiggling amoeba-like through the living room and kitchen to envelop Music Selection Dude #2 Who Hated That Song but was standing by the computer and we were worried he was gonna change it, and then everyone just... slowly grabbed his body and held it horizontally, then lifted him into the air and slowly spun him in circles just below the ceiling before gently lowering him onto the floor (where he remained perfectly motionless) and doing synchronized hand waving over his body. IT GOT REALLY WEIRD. but no one questioned it everyone was perfectly silent or singing along to the lyrics until the song ended. what the fuck. i haven’t been part of something That bizarre since college (tho to be fair, there were a Lot of those moments in college). anyway party lasted until a bit after midnight.

TODAY SUNDAY!! at 9am met up with folks to go WHITE WATER RAFTING! it was the going away party for a friend, so we got a bunch of gear together/a pal’s free boat rental for working at a river company, and some personal boats, so 3 boats and about 12 people. second time ive been on the river this season, the first was february and Very cold/total splash guards against the water, but today was the first decent day this week! about 50-60F all day, though the water was a lot colder (although what the fuck is going ON this is the DESERT we should be like in the 70-80s range this time of year). everything went great at first, the rapids were easy, we rafted for a couple hours and then docked at a winery with a helpful pier, and jumped inside for buffet lunch and optional wine tasting. which like, WHAT an excellent concept, i hear they’re doing brunches soon, and whitewater rafting into/out of a fancy brunch seems IDEAL tbh.

...buuuuut we got to the first rapid after the winery/last rapid we were gonna hit of the day and just. totally flipped. we lost back left paddler (who took a drink of wine from his beer can like RIGHT as we went into the rapid smh) almost immediately, and i turned to see what happened to him (i was back right), and noticed that our captain/acting guide was just ALSO GONE??? I still don’t know HOW he fell out i guess he just catapulted on the first big wave... everyone (sans myself) was pretty drunk and at high water level (~15,000cfs) you can go straight through (or, RDTFM, aka “right down the fucking middle”, thats ur whitewater lingo for the day), but it was only at like ~8000cfs today so instead there was just... a rock. so chuck (acting captain) pops up a second later and manages to grab the boat, i haul him in, turn around to see charlie (back left paddle) somehow on the other side of our raft now floating the rapid, and two of the front paddlers trying unsuccessfully to reach him.

 then i look forward and OH GOD there is ANOTHER huge dip in front of us leading to aforementioned rock, and I sort of leapt to the left side/charlie’s spot to try to paddle off it, but no one was paying enough attention to coordinate and so we slammed it and the boat went riiiiiiight over. like, the most dramatic long-ways flip i’ve ever seen, threw/shoved us all down into the water. mostly i was thinking “OH FUCK” but also “SHOULDN’T HAVE BOTHERED PULL CHUCK BACK IN”, was under for maybe 5 seconds total, then popped up right behind the raft. pretty much everyone managed to hold onto the tie line and somehow i guess we also landed on charlie again so he had a hold as well. until we hit the next rock anyway, which popped the boat up for a second/swept me underwater and under the boat, and i ended up hand-over-handing it out onto the front side. which was easier for visibility/expectations but also i could see 10 feet in front of me that my backpack had come unsecured and was floating down the river without me, holding my phone (thankfully in a lifeproof/very waterproof case bc i’m not a Fool who takes electronics on rafting trips with no backup) and driver’s license and glasses hostage. and like 80% of me was ready to dive after it but while i’m an idiot i’m not That much of an idiot so i held onto the boat instead and watched it get farther and farther off. the first of our boats that went through (a  dinghy with two passengers) was waiting for us downstream and seemed like they were gonna get it, but then one of our people got swept way downstream so they were on mission Rescue Susan instead. but anyway after a very charged minute or so that felt more like ten, we managed to kick ourselves into an eddy and get over to the shore. 

at which point i became very confused bc our group now had 3 more people in it than were in our boat??? which is when i realized that our third boat, whcih had been behind us, had also capsized and dunked all passengers. but theirs was still trapped in the current (for like 5 whole minutes just bouncing on top of the first big rapid) so they all swam sans gear to where we ended up. anyway i sloshed to a nearby beach where some concerned rafters were watching (turned out to be our #3 boat guide’s coworkers, who’s company we were renting gear from, whoops), and over a ridge, and saw that boat #1 had sucessfully reclaimed susan, and a kind kayaker had saved both my backpack and one of our paddles. we dried off for a bit and checked everything over miraculously, the only casualties were some hats and sunglasses, one item per every person who flipped. the river gods were kind in their choice of sacrifices today. then we boated the last mile out and lay in the sand warming up until our car shuttle finished, and my friend who’s bday party i went to the night before & his gf & dad boated up RIGHT after us (they were also all at the multicultural center event friday) and laughed at us for having flipped. ah tiny desert towns. you see Everyone everywhere all the time. and i’ll see them again on wednesday for D&D so more mockery inbound.

anyway i got home and me n my roommate (also on the trip) took some VERY long/hot showers, drank some hot chocolate, and then watched cop drama tv shows in bed under the covers for 2 hours before ordering takeout soup and laying in bed some more. now i am laying in bed and about to go to sleep bc i’m exhausted but apparently still enough of an insomniac to never go to bed before midnight.

[crimson-of-the-earth]

Long-Distance Relationships [Warning: Long post]

Hey, guys! My anon asks may be off right now but that doesn’t stop the select few of you from asking me questions on my other accounts. 

Basically, the reason why I’m making this post is because an FB friend of mine asked what it’s like to be in a long distance relationship. And since Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, I figured I might as well make this post instead of putting it off until March like I’d originally planned. 

Usually, I’m not one to share about my actual personal life but this has been a very frequently asked question from all of my social media platforms, as well as my tumblr asks.

So if you can somehow manage to find my social media accounts, -good luck, btw- you may or may not know that a majority of the relationships I'm involved in have been long-distance. 

If you don’t wanna read about this mushy crap then I suggest you move on and find something that will entertain you. But if you do, it’s all under the cut.

What is it like to be in an LDR?

I’m not gonna tell you that it’s all sunshine and rainbows. I won’t sugarcoat anything. Relationships are already complicated but when you add distance to the equation, it becomes almost impossible. 

Personally, it’s very…straining and tiring most of the time. Because you wanna do so many things for them -hold them, kiss them, send them gifts, personally tell them you love them- but you just can’t. 

Sometimes, you may be in completely different timezones. I can’t begin to tell you how heart-breaking it is for me to wake up hoping that my S/O and I would have time for each other, but then we just talk for about an hour until he has to go to sleep. It’s a different story when it’s night time for me and daytime for him. We’d be chatting (heck, we may even be in a private voice call) well until 3 AM for me. We sort of…we can tell when it’s each other’s bed time. When he tells me to get some sleep (since I have classes in the morning) I sort of…I’m taken away from the illusion that he’s with me. I wanna pretend that he’s here but whenever one of us has to sleep, I get reminded that he’s not here and that he’s probably hundreds, if not thousands, of miles away.

One of the things that makes it tiring is whenever one of you has a problem or is in a dangerous situation. You wanna help them so bad, you wanna hold them in your arms and tell them that everything is gonna be okay but…you can’t. You feel powerless, almost. Sometimes, you may even feel guilty because you think that your inaction is allowing them to get hurt. There’s not much you could do. 

We don’t Skype or Face Time like most LDR couples do. The only way we interact is through Discord or Tumblr. (and even then, he doesn’t use Tumblr that often) And because of that lack of visual interaction, I miss him all the more everytime I’m away from the computer or my phone. The reason why we don’t Skype or FaceTime is because of the same reason as to why I never show my face: Anonymity. But for completely different reasons.

Obviously, my boyfriend (<< feels great calling him that, tbh) has already seen my face. He’s one of the very few people who have. Now the reason why we don’t interact through Skype is because I’ve been anonymous for so long that, even though he’s seen my face, I have the instinct to just hide my face. He knows and understands my reasoning but we still send each other selfies (mostly from my end) to keep each other updated about our lives so we don’t feel like there’s too much of a distance between us.

But y’know, you still feel the distance. You still feel the empty feeling in your gut that only goes away when you talk to them. When it comes to relationships, nothing beats actually being able to hold your partner, to be able to comfort them when they need you the most and, if your relationship is strictly relying on chats and voice calls like mine and my partner’s, you want to be able to wake up and see them first thing in the morning.

^^ Regarding this, this is probably the most heart-breaking aspects of a long-distance relationship. The inability to hug them at night and wake up to them beside you in the morning is just…it feels like a kick in the balls, or a punch to the tit if you have them. It’s painful, like someone’s squeezing your insides, whenever you think about how far away they are. Like you just wanna be with them so bad that it almost makes you want to scream and cry. 

Personally, (and confession time here) I do the latter. Like, the feeling of wanting him here with me is so overwhelming that I legit cry myself to sleep every night while hugging my pillow, pretending that it’s him. Pathetic, I know, but when you really want to be with someone, you don’t care about whether or not what you’re doing is reasonable. 

I’m so curious about him. It’s like…I know everything about him but a part of me says that I know nothing about him. Like, whenever I hear his voice, I just smile because he makes me feel….safe and secure. And I ask myself: “Does he do the same when he talks to me? 

Safe and secure are two words that I never thought I’d use on the Internet, seeing as how many times I’ve been hacked and my personal information leaked.

So that feeling of safety and security with him means everything to me. I feel that I could trust him enough to send pictures of myself and not feel like I have to worry about them being leaked. I could trust him with information I would never say here on Tumblr.

I’ve listed nothing but the cons of being in an LDR so I’m gonna list the good things that come out of it, however few they may be.

It makes the possibility of meeting them in-person all the more exciting. 

I read up a lot of psychology books and studies and articles so I know that this may not be true for some of you. I know that “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” isn’t all that true because of the factor of propinquity and stuff.

But propinquity doesn’t always mean physical interaction. Like I said, my partner and I talk almost everyday on Discord, both in our mutual server and through Private Messages. We’re still interacting with each other, meaning we have a very high propinquity, or closeness level if you will. We still have a way to know information about each other even with our long distance. Ahh, the wonders of the internet.

It teaches you to be patient.

Whatever platform you and your S/O use to contact each other, you will always have to wait for their response, especially if they’re in a totally different timezone than you. You both may be introverts but one or both of you may have school or a job. Either way, you’re both going to be busy and may not even have time to talk to each other as often as you’d like. But being in an LDR teaches you to wait.

…And I ran out of pros to think of from the top of my head.

But mostly because, personally, I want my S/O to be with me personally rather than just online. I like physical intimacy, okay? Call me old-fashioned. 

The only advice I can give to you guys is,

Be patient. Don’t pressure your partner into doing something they’re not comfortable with or are not able to do. (i.e. flying to each other’s country to visit you) And if you’re a sappy son of a bitch like me, tell them anything that’s bothering you about the relationship, whether it’s personal insecurities or doubts. Because you have no way of communication other than the internet so you may as well tell them, otherwise you may end up creating more strain to the relationship.

Obviously, even with my past relationships, I’m not an expert in this stuff so please DO NOT take these words as gospel. Just be open an honest with your partner, that’s as far as I can advise.

Now another reason why I made this post is because a lot of my friends, both on FB and on the Discord Server, are in an LDR so hopefully, this would be somewhat helpful. Hopefully, but if not, eh I tried.

[I’ll also be linking this to my FB btw, so…]

@hanz-oh @asyouweresir @pyropectic and to every other person out there who’s in an LDR, please accept this humble guy’s offering of advice.

Good luck, and may your relationship prosper.